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23 Feb

I had a session with Maggi, my life coach, yesterday…a much needed session I should add. Until we spoke, I hadn’t realized how wound up with fear I really was…mostly fear of the unknown. Our hour-long session took place on the phone while I was in between appointments parked in a Starbucks parking lot. I quickly learned this is a pretty awkward place to be crying on the phone! After the first couple of people stopped and stared at me, I rolled up my window and carried on. Once I got it all out though, I immediately started to feel calmer. I had been trying with all my might to avoid feeling fearful and overwhelmed because I HATE to operate from that place. But, the more I ignored it the bigger it got. Once I came clean about it all, it started to shrink. Funny how that happens, huh? Toward the end of the call she asked me if I had read the note from the Universe a few days prior. I asked her which one and she read it to me again. I said yes I had but the words sounded differently in that moment. She made me promise I would re-read it every day until we spoke again.

. . . . . . . .

It is not from the known, but the unknown, Kate, that creativity and inventiveness are born.

Turn away from the predictable, cliche, and reliable. Brave the void where the darkness is greatest. Trust the quiet, find the stillness, feel the calm. Then steadily think, speak, and move as if your vision was clear. Anticipate the emotional rush that will come with your triumph. And as if by magic, as you raise your pen to write, you’ll find the words have already been summoned, flooded in light that was there all along, in a world that has just as anxiously anticipated your arrival.

The Universe

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22 Feb

LEARN TO COOK : FISH PROVENCAL

Since you all survived yesterday’s terribly long post, I thought you deserved something a little lighter today! Remember when I said I wanted to cook a Julia Child recipe after watching “Julie & Julia” Sunday night? Well, I kinda did. We had to improvise a bit because it was impossible to find a recipe that we actually both wanted to eat!! Everything either had heavy cream, cheese and butter (Brian despises them all…I know, isn’t that strange? I mean who doesn’t like cheese?), involved bread (it’s my body, not my soul despises gluten…sad but true) or was something along the lines of a Duck-leg mousse (and we both had our limits on how far we would take this Julia Child night). I was not going to give up though, I was dead set on having a French themed dinner night! So we searched the internet for other French recipes and finally found one that didn’t include heavy cream, cheese, gluten or butter (we are so LA with all our food restrictions huh??)- fish Provencal!

 With the dish finally settled on we headed to the most magical place on earth…whole foods. Six hundred dollars later….kidding…we were back home with French music playing, a martini (for him), a glass of wine (for me), lots of candles and fish to cook. Some of my favorite evenings spent with Brian are in the kitchen. As much as I enjoy cooking by myself I much prefer making dinner with my partner. It’s the perfect activity to do as a couple- you chat, cook, drink wine, laugh, and then you eat!

The meal was a success! The dish was soooooo good in fact that we ate all of it! Happy to report it was also terribly easy to make and looked pretty impressive on a plate. In case you can’t see from the ridiculous picture above…I’m looking at that fish with love.

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My favorite song from the night….

ingredients:

I fennel bulb

1 shallot

4 garlic cloves

4 tomatoes

parsley

1 1/2 cup white wine

1/2 lemon juice

salt & pepper

1 pound of white flaky fish

recipe:

chop garlic/ slice shallots and fennel/boil tomatoes then blanche and peel/heat olive oil (medium heat)/add fennel & shallots & saute for a few minutes until they are soft/ add garlic for 2 min/add wine, turn up heat to medium-high and boil for 3 minutes/add tomatoes & boil for 3 minutes/submerge fillets @ bottom/add salt & pepper to taste/cover, reduce heat to low for 10 minutes until fish easily flakes/add lemon juice, top with parsley and serve

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138

21 Feb

138

21 Feb

Coming off yesterday’s post, I am sure this will NOT come as a surprise to you- I have hit a bit of a midlife crisis with 365 til 30. Or, as Maggi, my life coach so kindly put it- “I think 365 til 30 is starting to run you now, instead of you running it”. Ouch. What a painful thing to hear but so true. The ten goals that gave me SOOOOO much joy 6 months ago have started to feel like chores- totally not the point of this project! Maggi has urged me to remember why I originally wanted to accomplish these goals and to focus on the joy and excitement the thought of experiencing them brought me.

 When I started 365 til 30 six months ago,  I was off and running right out of the gate. Full of excitement and wonder, I happily embarked on the adventure of camping and Tassajara. After accomplishing them I moved onto my other goals for the year- learn to cook, master the tango, speak French fluently, work with my favorite websites, publish my writing (I have a book proposal floating around at a publisher…fingers crossed) and volunteer. I have realized these goals are less finite and instead are an ongoing process. I am constantly tending to them.

The last two goals…Drive Across the USA (which I am in the process of planning for April) and getting Frank, my French Bulldog (which will happen when we move) are goals that I am still working towards. With the road trip fast approaching I happen to think about it all the time. I am DYING with excitement to drive across the USA with my girlfriend Rachel- she is the perfect friend to do this with and equally excited! This goal has always been one of my favorites on the list because it’s something I have dreamed of doing since I was little girl and I can’t believe I’m finally going to do it! As the trip approaches though I have started to feel a bit anxious about it. When I put it on the list I always wondered how I would take the time off to do it right. It’s not like it’s ever really convenient to leave your life for 3-4 weeks…work and money are valid concerns. My remedy for the fear is to remember the joy the idea of accomplishing it brings me and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

With so much on my plate I decided I needed a focused plan towards finding the joy in the goals again.

I start another round of tango classes on Monday the 27th for 6 weeks and I will not skip one class…not one!

I will find one new exciting dish a week to learn! (last night it was fish provencal! It was soooooooooo gooooood- post coming!)

I will continue my volunteer work at PATH once a week.

I will spend 4 hours a week practicing my French in preparation for my trip to Paris in July!!!

I will finalize all the details for our road trip from a joyful place instead of an anxious place so that we are ready to embark on the journey in April!!

I will stay positive and grateful about the fact that my book proposal is floating around  in the world instead of anxious.

I will re-stratagize my approach for working with Take Part and Explore- I have had sooooo many meetings with both of them and feel like the timing has been off…but maybe I need to re-think my approach.

I will commit to weekly sessions with Maggi starting this week. It doesn’t matter how busy I am! They will be a priority because they always keep me focused, calm, joyful and on-track.

Oh, and most importantly, I will commit to being grateful and enjoy the process….otherwise what the hell is the point right??!

*

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Anais Nin

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139

20 Feb

Considering Brian ends up choosing most of the movies we watch on movie night, I decided to force him to watch “Julie & Julia” (I think he actually liked it) last night. I had seen the film when it originally came out but I have been wanting to see it again ever since I started this blog. For those of you who have not seen it  I will give you a quick breakdown- Julie Powell (played by Amy Adams) is in a rut…her life feels like it’s going nowhere, she hates her job and she’s feeling pretty blah. So in an inspired moment she starts a blog titled the “Julie & Julia project” where she tackles 527 Julia Child recipes in 365 days. In the process turning her life around and finding her joy again. Clearly you can see why I may have wanted to see the film again?? It shares a lot of the same themes as 365 til 30.

I loved the scenes that followed Julia Child (played by Meryl Streep) living in Paris. I found so much inspiration in seeing then considering my upcoming trip and obsession with Paris. I went to bed dreaming of Paris! Oh and  the cooking scenes with both women made me to want to tackle a recipe tonight! I actually have a Julia Child cookbook that I am going to pick a recipe from for tonight- post to follow. But what inspired me most was watching Julie find her joy again through a blog/project while tracking the ups and downs of the process. I totally related to the scene where Julie has a breakdown on her kitchen floor and turns to her husband, and asks with tears in her eyes, “What happens if I can’t tackle all the recipes?!?” It reminded me so much of the night I came home a few months ago from a crazy day of tango, baking and French and had a melt down on our bed. As I sobbed I asked Brian “What happens if I can’t do any of the goals well or get them all finished in 365 days?!? Huh, then what Brian?!” He looked at me and said “I think your readers will only be sad if you don’t get Frank.”

I have to admit I still get wrapped up with how this is going to come together in the remaining 5 months until my 30th birthday. Am I really going to get all these goals accomplished? Is that why you guys like my blog? To see if I succeed? Or is it the process? I am in a constant battle with myself about it. My type A personality is very focused on the goals to the point where I get a little crazy while my zen personality is just enjoying the process.

So my question for you is….Is it the result or the process?

With that said I am off to tackle a Julia Child recipe.

*

“Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”
Julia Child

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140

19 Feb

SUNDAY

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141

18 Feb

‎”Life in itself is an empty canvas – it becomes whatsoever you paint on it. You can paint misery, you can paint bliss. This freedom is your glory.”

~ Osho ~

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142

17 Feb

INSPIRATION, GRATITUDE & SURPRISES

-What inspired me this week?-

trapeze class

daydreaming of Paris

The woman in this video knocked my socks off!! She’s 108 years old and a Holocaust survivor- I found her spirit and outlook on life inspiring . My favorite line was “Everything is a present”….

 -What am I grateful for this week?-

My sweet boy who planned a lovely Valentines Day! He took me on two great dates…our first date was a burger and movie night- we saw the old film The African Queen which I loved. On our second date he surprised me with 4 dozen roses and dinner at Lily’s which is my favorite French restaurant.

 Bethenny Ever After starts again next week! There is a God!

-What surprised me this week?-

I surprised even my-crazy-self when I booked a one-way flight to Paris- I leave on July 15th!! I had exactly enough miles to get there and I thought why the hell not and booked the flight. If I can’t get back then I will move to Paris…how bad could that be? Kidding I would really miss Brian! I plan to rent an apartment and pretend I live in Paris for two weeks. Most likely I will be going by myself unless any of my girlfriends decide to join! (hint hint Taline, Crystal, Jen and Rachel) Either way I am fine with it…I think Paris could be kinda fun alone- I would practice my French, write, eat, drink, sleep, explore…can you say heaven??? Of course I will be bringing you all there with me as well.

*

‎”With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”

~ The Dalai Lama ~

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16 Feb

I have a new obsession…the trapeze! Ever since I saw Carrie Bradshaw do it on a Sex & The City episode  I have wanted to do it. Not to mention I like the rush you get flying through the air…I learned this when I went sky diving for the first time. It was a truly unbelievable experience jumping out of a plane because you can’t be anywhere else than in the moment and I love that feeling.

A few years ago I tried to find the rush again by parasailing in Mexico and instead it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I knew something was off the minute I floated up in the air and felt the wind. I tried to inform them that I wanted to get off but sadly nobody could hear me yelling so I closed my eyes and resorted to making various deals with God hoping he would let me survive. After dangling up there for 10 minutes it was time to land back on the beach. I thought the worst was over…boy was I was wrong.

As I was coming in for the landing, a huge gust of wind blew me towards the hotel, trees, cabana’s and people. Luckily I didn’t hit the building and instead went through the trees. I went through 7 – yes 7 palm trees while coming down. I guess I should be thankful that I didn’t hit the base of the trees and instead went through the palm fronds. Through this experience I did learn a lot about palm fronds- as I whipped through the them I learned how rough they really are. I wondered how this was all going to end for me because it wasn’t looking good.

When I finally did come out of the trees I went straight into the sand head first (actually mouth first because my mouth was wide open with terror) in front of lots of vacationing families and couples. I have never been so embarrassed in my life and for the remaining three days not only did I have to walk around the resort in a bikini with bruises and cuts all over my legs but I had to endure everyone calling me the “palm tree girl”. I even got a high-five from a impressed kid…people were wowed. True story.

After that experience I thought my days of flying through the air were over. That was until I stumbled upon the trapeze school at the Santa Monica Pier a few weeks ago. When I saw it I thought- “Omg that’s what Carrie Bradshaw did on Sex & The City!! Why haven’t I done this yet? This looks safe enough!! It’s perfect!”

So I signed up for a class immediately…feeling pretty pleased with myself. Somehow I even got my mom to agree to join me. Actually it was pretty easy because she thought I said trampoline class not trapeze class. When I corrected her she surprisingly still agreed to try it. So there we were 2 crazy girls at a trapeze class on a windy Monday afternoon.

The seven other people in the class added  so much more to the experience. Everyone cheered everyone else on. Such team spirit! Funny enough, one girl happened to be there with her sister and boyfriend celebrating her 30th birthday! When my mom heard this I literally had to cover her mouth to stop her from shamelessly promoting 365 til 30 (although an hour later she handed out my 365 business cards to everyone while I was in the bathroom).

After a few stretches we were given brief instructions (very brief instructions) and told it was time to jump. I happened to be first on the list to jump- which I decided was a good thing. Less time to focus on worries….so up I went. When I got to the top I thought…why am I doing this? This seems totally insane. But there was no way in hell I was going down any other way than a swinging trapeze.

What was the worst that could happen?? I fall on the net below and break a pinky? Suck it up, Kate! You have jumped out of a plane and survived a Mexico palm tree incident for Christ’s sake! I was sharing all these thoughts and experiences with the instructor as she strapped me in. I couldn’t help myself…it was like I had diarrhea of the mouth and had to share every thought with her. She nodded apathetically (clearly she was not affected by my concerns) and told me to lean out, hang all my toes off the edge and grab the bar with both hands. What a strange feeling that was…so counter intuitive to lean your body off a ledge.

When I got the whistle to jump I finally stopped thinking about everything and just flung myself off. Flying through the air on a trapeze was amazing and I felt like I was in the circus!

I was completely in the moment…out of my head…and in my element. Oh and guess what I did by the end of the class…I nailed a catch!!! A very good lesson in trust indeed.

Trapeze video coming later today!! 

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144

15 Feb


“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.”

Buddha

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