Tag Archives: adventure

8 months

12 Apr

8 months

Holy shit we’re having a baby verrrry soon. Everything is starting to feel surreal. How did we get here already? Where did the weeks go? An actual tiny human is coming to live with us??? Will we know what to do? I’m going to be somebody’s mother?? My focus has shifted from the pregnancy to the actual baby arriving in 6 weeks time (more or less). I am convinced he’s coming a little early though. I know…I know…probably first time mom wishful thinking…but seriously…I think he’s coming around week 38. My doctor has noticed signs he might come early as well. Considering I am 34 weeks pregnant and the baby isn’t considered full term until week 37 my doctor told me to once again cut back on activity (you’d think I was running marathons over here) so he safely makes it to 37 weeks. With all this talk he might come early….he will probably screw with me and show up in June instead. He’s just keeping me on my toes.

Cutting back on activity and staying off my feet for extended periods of time has been hard on me. I am not one who enjoys being immobile- I miss my long walks with Frank desperately! I think it’s safe to say Frank misses them too. He’s been grumpy. My poor little fur baby- I am so aware of his feelings right now. His days as an only child are limited. My nesting instinct has been in full effect as well. I feel the need to finish everything around the house. His room is still a total mess- boxes of baby stuff piled everywhere. We (Brian) has to put his bassinet together. We (Brian) has to put his dresser together. I still have to wash all his clothes and pack our hospital bags. It’s all making me feel a bit unsettled. At least we have the car seat in the car! I know it will all get finished and everything will be fine but the nesting urge is strong and making me feel a bit nutty.

I’m feeling…HUGE (like seriously this bump is massive. I’m not sure how it is possible for it to get any bigger???) and I feel uncomfortable all the time. I feel so much pressure (hey, at least his head is down and ready to go!) that I’ve taken to waddling around when I am on my feet. My lower back aches. I feel short of breath when I walk across the room. Actually, come to think of it I feel short of breath pretty much all the time. It’s driving me insane. I’ve just about given up on sleep. Tired is the new normal.

food loves…I wouldn’t say there is anything I’m loving right now. As I near the end I am trying to be more mindful of what I eat. I mean I can’t eat pasta all day everyday- especially if I am going to be moving less and less. I’ve been trying to eat smaller cleaner meals throughout the day rather than three big meals. I never feel good after a big meal anyways. I think my stomach is too squished.

daydreaming about…looking into my sons eyes for the first time. Seeing Brian hold him for the first time. Having our loved ones meet him for the first time. So many firsts!! They all get me so excited!!!

can’t wait to…be his mom. Although, I guess I already am. He doesn’t need to be in the outside world for this to begin. But you know what I mean.

least favorite parts of pregnancy this month…Ummmmm. A lot. See above.

favorite parts of pregnancy this month…It’s coming to a close! HA. No seriously the fact that it is coming to a close brings me great joy. Not only am I ready for pregnancy to be over I am SOOOOOO damn excited to meet this little creature. My son!!! I get to meet me son soon! Ready to start the next phase of this journey.

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7 months

11 Mar

7 months

Monthly pregnancy update – March / seven months

I’m a few weeks late in posting my seven month update. Remember when I said I would be posting more regularly because I am not working for many months while pregnant? Yeah, I’m not quite sure what happened to that plan either. I wish I could say it was due to the fact that I am incredibly busy…but no…my days are mellow. I’ve just had a hard time motivating. My energy level is low so I’ve been allowing myself to just “be”. Letting my to-do list become a list of suggestions rather than a list of musts. This can be hard for a doer like me! Pregnancy has definitely taught me how to slow down. It’s actually forced me to. I’m surrendering.

I’m writing this post from a hotel bed in San Francisco with a latte in hand (yes, I have one cup of regular coffee a day…my OB said it was ok!). I tagged along with Brian on a work trip for a few days. He will be in meetings non-stop but I figured it would be fun to poke around the city by myself for a few days. Although, it’s rainy and windy outside right now making bed and room service sound pretty appealing too. At 7 1/2 months pregnant I also kind of hate to sleep alone right now. This coming from a girl who used to love having the house to herself for a few days. But pregnancy has changed that. It’s not like I am worried I am going to go into labor or anything- I just feel more settled when Brian’s around.

The last month has been filled with growth- yes, I am referring to my belly. Well, let’s be honest…my growth everywhere. I seem to have become very pregnant in the last few weeks. I don’t understand how I can possibly have 10 more weeks of growing to do?!!? Is he a giant or something?? This belly is getting crazy. In the last week alone many strangers have asked when I am due and when I say May they are shocked. I mean where do you go from there, right? It makes for a very awkward encounter.

I’m feeling…HUGE- this belly is getting heavy. Lots of movement- he’s a strong little guy who likes work out all day!

food loves…it would still be fruit but my doc has made me cut back. I have slightly elevated amniotic fluid which is sometimes caused by an excess of sugar and carbs. I’ve also become anemic so my doc has told me to up my protein intake. Which has been hard because meat and fish haven’t been at the top of my list of cravings.

daydreaming about…him. I think about him all the time. I just can’t wait to hold him and peer into his eyes for the first time. I literally get teary when I think about it.

can’t wait to…become a family of four (yes, Frank counts)

least favorite parts of pregnancy this month…the lack of sleep. People keep saying…get your sleep now before the baby arrives and I want to scream…I’m trying!! It’s just impossible to get comfortable at night.

favorite parts of pregnancy this month…feeling him move is still my favorite part of pregnancy. Sometimes I’ll forget I’m pregnant (although, that’s getting harder to do these days) and BAM he will sucker punch me and I am immediately reminded I am not alone. It’s just so damn magical to have a little human growing inside you! Yes, even when it hurts a bit.

I already love you so much little one.

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“Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.” – Carrie Fisher

currently

22 Feb

 

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our attempts at a family selfie

reading:

If the book has to do with birthing a child or raising it…I probably own it. The pile of books next to my bed keeps growing. So many points of view on everything! So many details! I might just give up on reading them all and wing it.

looking forward to:

A trip to Sedona (one of my favorite places) this Friday for Brian’s birthday. I’m a little bummed I won’t be able to do as much hiking as I normally do (my OB has put a stop to overly strenuous physical activity) when we go but I’m sure I will find other ways to decompress. Maybe I’ll drink lots of wine instead….kiddddding. Most likely I will just do a lot of reading and if the weather permits I may take this baby bump for a swim in the pool.

I’m also looking forward to a few days in San Francisco in early March. Brian has to go for work so I decided to tag along. He will most likely be working non-stop so I plan to wander the city alone (well, I guess I’m never really alone right now am I?). I actually enjoy this…I can be such a loner sometimes. Any recommendations on places I should visit or eat?

Showering this baby boy! My mom and step mom are throwing a shower for baby boy on April 3rd and my mother in law and aunt are throwing another one for him on April 17th. Something about a baby shower makes it all feel very real…and his arrival  soon.

thinking about: 

birthing a small human. Brian and I toured the hospital a few weeks ago and let’s just say it made the fact that this babe has to make an exit at some point a harsh reality. I’ve been so focused on all the other stuff…baby names, baby room, baby shower, baby clothes….etc that I haven’t really thought about the birth in great detail. Well, the tour changed that. It was all going so well until I happened to notice the huge spotlights above the labor and delivery bed. There’s going to be a stage production happening at my vagina people! I started to break out in cold sweats when I saw those puppies. I keep reminding myself that people have babies every day. I am not special. I too will survive this. I think.

enjoying: 

The downtime I have been able to enjoy before the baby arrives. I haven’t not worked since I was seventeen! Although baby boy and I have done some fit modeling work for maternity lines. Clearly, I believe in child labor at a very early age. But mostly my days are filled with walks, lunches with friends, reading, nesting at home & writing in coffee shops. It’s amazing how fast the day goes when you don’t do anything.

loving: 

my husband, decaf iced lattes from le pain quotidien, pinteresting ideas for the nursery, feeling my son move in my belly, mangos & my girlfriends.

watching:

togetherness, girls, walking dead, life in pieces, grey’s anatomy, how to get away with murder…oh and house hunters international (it speaks to my soul!)

weekend in carmel

11 Feb

A few weekends ago Brian and I road tripped up to Carmel for a few days to celebrate a friend’s wedding. I haven’t been to that area since I was a kid so I loved exploring it for what felt like the first time. We rented a house with some friends through airbnb which was so much better than staying in a hotel. It was in a great neighborhood and walking distance from the main drag of town. I knew Carmel was going to be visually beautiful with the sea as its backdrop but I was surprised to learn it also has some great restaurants and shops. Granted the whole place shuts down around 9pm- definitely not a place to go if you’re looking for a night on the town. But at 6 1/2 months pregnant I’m usually in bed by 9pm so it worked for me! We had such a fun three days. I’ll let the pics speak for themselves.

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around these parts…

5 Jan

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(image via)

Happy New Year lovely people!! I’m always a bit shocked when a new year arrives. Time seems to be moving at warp speed. Where did 2015 go, you know? Although, I’m ok with putting 2015 to bed…I like the sound of 2016. The number just feels good rolling off my tongue and I love the energy that a new year brings. 2015, was an intense year for me- intensely hard and intensely beautiful. I said it on my instagram account but it felt as if 2015 had two acts. Act one kicked my ass- it was filled with lessons, hard work, big questions & uncomfortable (albeit needed) personal growth. I can’t say I enjoyed that period but I know that it lead me to a better version of me, so, high-five Universe! Thanks for dragging me through the shit! I truly believe that we must go through dark periods to earn and appreciate the lighter ones, and act two of 2015 was just that…a big bright light. It was  one of the sweetest periods I can ever remember experiencing. I’m so grateful for the gifts it brought me.

This new year feels different from most for me. I’m usually all about starting the year off with big goals to accomplish in the 365 days I have. While I do still have goals this year (working on a new vision board now) my intention for this year is less about attaining things and more about enjoying things. It’s shaping up to be a year that I will have to be ok with things moving at a slower pace than I am used to. I officially stopped working last week until the babe arrives in May. I knew it was coming considering my job as a fit model is based on my measurements and they have certainly changed dramatically in the last few months. Even with the preparation, it was a hard pill for me to swallow. I really enjoy working and the idea of stopping sounded less than ideal. All my clients were great about it though. They were very supportive and reassuring that they would have me back when I was ready. So my plan is to go back a few months after he is born (granted I can get back to my measurements!). Even with their reassurance I found it hard to turn all my clients over to another fit model. I felt such a lack of control! I had to remind myself that change is inevitable and letting go was ok. There will always be new clients. On to a new adventure, right?!

So what am I going to do with myself for the next 4 1/2 months before he arrives? Your guess is as good as mine. Someone told me I could spend it getting his nursery ready. This idea made me giggle…who needs 4 1/2 months to ready a nursery? God help me if it takes that long! I’m hoping to fill my time with more writing & blogging. I’ve really neglected both for some time. I used to blog every damn day and now I’m lucky if I do once a week. I also hope to fall into a regular yoga practice. I haven’t gone to one class since finding out I was pregnant (In the beginning I was scared that I would hurt the baby but I think I am moving past my “scared of everything” phase). Ok so I definitely have blogging, writing & yoga to fill my days. My other ideas include a once a week artist date with myself, baking (because what better time to take up baking than when you are pregnant…I’m already getting bigger so why not just throw myself all in, you know?) & home projects (it’s so funny how strong the urge is to nest and ready your space before the baby arrives. Like he is going to care about the new credenza or which shade of grey I paint the walls!). Any other brilliant ideas about how I should spend the next few months?

 

and baby makes four…

30 Nov

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I’m guessing from the title of this post you know what’s coming…A BABY!!!!!!! Can you tell I’m happy about this news? Actually, happy isn’t a grand enough word to describe how I feel. I’m literally bursting at the seams with joy. I can’t seem to wipe the huge smile off my face. It’s been 75 days since I first held the positive pregnancy test in my hands and I still feel like I am floating on a cloud. The whole thing feels unreal despite the bulge at my midsection.

Brian and I started “trying” for a baby in June. I had heard it could take up to a year to get pregnant but I decided I was going to get pregnant the first month. Such an overachiever, huh? So imagine my surprise when I didn’t get pregnant that first month. I immediately started worrying. From then on, getting pregnant became all I could think about. I researched everything on the subject…what to eat, what not to eat, fertility boosters, stress relievers, positions, blah blah blah. In an attempt to get my body in tip-top shape I cut out alcohol, limited my caffeine intake, got off any anxiety medicine and started eating even healthier than I already did, all in hopes it would boost my chances of getting pregnant. After three months of trying…still no baby.

I was feeling rather defeated by the whole process. I am a person who believes that actions should yield results and my actions weren’t yielding the desired results.

I am aware that three months isn’t a very long time but it felt like an eternity to me. When you’re ready…you’re ready, you know? The process was a good lesson for me- I don’t control the universe. As much as I’d like to…I don’t and sadly, I never will. For a person who craves control, this is always a hard pill for me swallow.

I realized I had to refocus my energy. Instead of tightly griping on to my ideas of how it should go, I had to trust the process. I had to trust that our baby would come when it was meant to be. I had to trust the divine timing of it all. There’s magic in the things we can’t control. I truly believe the universe has an order to it and once I reminded myself of that I was able to surrender.

It was around this time I got pregnant.

September 16th…

My period wasn’t due for four days but I had been feeling “off” for close to a week with cramping and lower back aches.  I just felt weird. Of course this made me excited that I could possibly be pregnant but I also tried to remain cautious about getting too excited…I didn’t want to be disappointed.  After Brian left for work that morning I was lying in bed sipping my coffee when I remembered that I had an unopened package of First Responses under the sink in the bathroom (a pregnancy test that you can take six days before your missed period). So I thought…why not? If it’s negative I will try another test in a few days again. Nothing lost, right?

So I took the test…set the alarm for three minutes….sat on the bathroom floor in my pjs and continued to sip my coffee while I waited.

Three minutes later the alarm went off and I peered at the test.

And there it was….

yes!

That moment was an out-of-body experience. A billion thoughts rushed through my head in a millisecond. OMG!  It says YES! I’m going to be a mother…we’re going to have a baby!!!…I can’t wait to tell Brian!!…OMG…Holy shit…I’m going to be somebody’s mom…HOLY SHIT…HOLY SHIT…HOLY SHIT…there’s a tiny human in my belly! What a fucking miracle! Shit…am I allowed to drink coffee now that I’m pregnant??? The last thought left me running to the sink to spit out my mouthful of coffee. I continued to stand there and stare at the positive test in my hand- unable to grasp the fact that this was really happening. Becoming a parent is such an abstract thought…until it isn’t. A wave of emotion came over me and I started to cry. I felt so grateful. So elated. So nervous. So shocked. So insanely happy.

 It makes Frank very uncomfortable when I cry and he anxiously peered up at me with his big brown eyes. I kept reassuring him it was ok, that I was just happy. Then I informed him he was going to be a big brother. ha.

Still unable to catch my breath and with tears streaming down my face I picked up the phone to call Brian. Then I thought better of it and hung up. I didn’t want him to find out he was going to be a father in a hurried phone call between meetings at work, so I dialed my mother instead. She sleepily picked up the phone (it was 7 am after all) and I began to sob even harder.

To which she fearfully replied, “Kate??? What’s wrong???! Are you ok??!”

“I’m preeeee- ga- nant!!” I said between tears.

“What???”she said

“I’m PREGNANT!” I said

“You are!!? Why are you crying then???”

“I don’t know” sniffle “I guess I’m just overwhelmed.”

So, that’s how my mom found out.

After hanging up with her I began to ponder my next step. I felt emotionally paralyzed. I guess I was supposed to go to the doctor for blood work to confirm it? Yeah, that seemed right. So I got dressed and drove to my doctor’s office. A few hours later I got the call…I was most definitely pregnant!  The next thing on my agenda…how to tell Brian the news. I went back and forth on various ideas. Even googling “how to tell your partner you’re pregnant”- let me tell you…there are some really creative people out there. So many brilliant ideas. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put on a big show or just tell him the news. I tried to think of ways to bring Frank into the announcement as well. Maybe I could find a shirt that read “I’m going to be a big brother” and squeeze Frank into it before Brian got home? Sadly, I was crunched for time so instead of driving around town in search of a big brother shirt for Frank, I headed to the bookstore in search of a book about becoming a father for Brian. I settled on a book that’s cover read…“DUDE, YOU’RE GOING TO BE A DAD!” with a bunch of sperm swimming around. I thought the swimming sperm was a nice touch.

I taped the positive test stick to the cover of the book (not quite sure why I thought the book title wouldn’t be clear enough?) and put it at the bottom of a newly folded pile of clothes out of the dryer. When Brian got home from work I asked him to go thru the pile to make sure everything was his before putting it away. He went thru each shirt…yes…yes…yes…yes…no…yes…then he got to the book..looked right at it and moved on- clearly, it didn’t register at first. Then he stopped in his tracks…went back to the book…peered at me with wide eyes and said…REALLY??!

I said…YES!!!

He stood there quietly. I wasn’t quite sure what was coming next. Tears, maybe?? Brian doesn’t do well with surprises. After a few moments…he made a move…hugged me tightly and said…”I’m so happy for you!”

HAAAAA.

“I’m so happy for you” Best. Response. Ever. Like I was some stranger on the street who just told him she was pregnant.

I said, “You’re so happy for ME? You are aware that I didn’t get pregnant on my own right?”

He will never live that response down- NEVER. I won’t let him. I was expecting tears. people! Poor boy was in total shock. After an hour (and a few beers) the shock had worn off and he was excitedly touching my belly. He just needed a minute to let it all sink in.

So there you have it…we’re having a BABY!!!

And we found out last week it’s a baby boy!!!

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two

9 Nov

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Two years ago today I married my best friend. Such a cliché thing to say but it’s the truth. He is my favorite person. He is the bacon to my eggs. When we said “I do” I wasn’t sure what marriage entailed but I was sure that I was willing to step into the unknown with him. I knew with every fiber of my being that he was the one that I wanted to spend my life with. He was the one I wanted to share my whole heart with. He was the one I wanted to go on adventures with. He was the one I wanted to build a home and family with. He was the one I wanted to experience it all with.

He was the one.

So much has happened over the last two years- personal struggles, career heart breaks and victories, loss, joy, laughter, surprises, triumphs, sadness, growth…the list goes on. Marriage is indeed hard work, just like anything worthwhile in life. I’ve learned the rewards are huge though. Over the last two years we have seen each other’s flaws and imperfections and know each other better for it- actually I’d even go as far to say love each other more for them. Our marriage is not perfect; but it is my favorite thing. It’s the thing that brings me the most joy in my life. It’s the thing I am most proud of. It’s the thing I am most sure of.

The list of reasons that I love this man is long. I seem to add to it every day. He is a good human- like an exceptionally good human. He does the right thing even if nobody is watching. He’s fiercely loyal to those he cares about. He’s passionate about all things he touches- luckily that includes me. He never puts anything less than 100 percent in at all times. He means what he says. You can trust the words that come out of his mouth. He’s surprisingly funny…it’s a dry and sarcastic humor that comes when you least expect it. There is nobody that makes me laugh harder than he does. He’s a wealth of knowledge. I am shocked at the information that comes out of his mouth. Seriously, bring up any topic and he will have something to add to the conversation. He knows how to make a mean cup of coffee and brings me one every morning in bed. He is tender and loving- a hug from him can cure-all. He craves adventure, travel and new frontiers as much as I do. I feel most alive when we are on adventures together. He is attentive and intuitive. The depth of his soul surprises me daily. He has the most handsome face I have ever laid eyes on. I love every feature on it and often find myself thinking…I hope our future child gets his this or that. He loves me with his whole heart and doesn’t just tell me but makes me feel it every day. He lets me be me- he has never once tried to change me and that is the best feeling in the world. He has my back and there is nobody I trust more than him.

Dearest, Bri. I love you endlessly.

Happy 2nd wedding anniversary goose. I have a sneaking suspicion this next year is going to be a really good one.

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“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
– Mignon McLaughlin