Holy shit we’re having a baby verrrry soon. Everything is starting to feel surreal. How did we get here already? Where did the weeks go? An actual tiny human is coming to live with us??? Will we know what to do? I’m going to be somebody’s mother?? My focus has shifted from the pregnancy to the actual baby arriving in 6 weeks time (more or less). I am convinced he’s coming a little early though. I know…I know…probably first time mom wishful thinking…but seriously…I think he’s coming around week 38. My doctor has noticed signs he might come early as well. Considering I am 34 weeks pregnant and the baby isn’t considered full term until week 37 my doctor told me to once again cut back on activity (you’d think I was running marathons over here) so he safely makes it to 37 weeks. With all this talk he might come early….he will probably screw with me and show up in June instead. He’s just keeping me on my toes.
Cutting back on activity and staying off my feet for extended periods of time has been hard on me. I am not one who enjoys being immobile- I miss my long walks with Frank desperately! I think it’s safe to say Frank misses them too. He’s been grumpy. My poor little fur baby- I am so aware of his feelings right now. His days as an only child are limited. My nesting instinct has been in full effect as well. I feel the need to finish everything around the house. His room is still a total mess- boxes of baby stuff piled everywhere. We (Brian) has to put his bassinet together. We (Brian) has to put his dresser together. I still have to wash all his clothes and pack our hospital bags. It’s all making me feel a bit unsettled. At least we have the car seat in the car! I know it will all get finished and everything will be fine but the nesting urge is strong and making me feel a bit nutty.
I’m feeling…HUGE (like seriously this bump is massive. I’m not sure how it is possible for it to get any bigger???) and I feel uncomfortable all the time. I feel so much pressure (hey, at least his head is down and ready to go!) that I’ve taken to waddling around when I am on my feet. My lower back aches. I feel short of breath when I walk across the room. Actually, come to think of it I feel short of breath pretty much all the time. It’s driving me insane. I’ve just about given up on sleep. Tired is the new normal.
food loves…I wouldn’t say there is anything I’m loving right now. As I near the end I am trying to be more mindful of what I eat. I mean I can’t eat pasta all day everyday- especially if I am going to be moving less and less. I’ve been trying to eat smaller cleaner meals throughout the day rather than three big meals. I never feel good after a big meal anyways. I think my stomach is too squished.
daydreaming about…looking into my sons eyes for the first time. Seeing Brian hold him for the first time. Having our loved ones meet him for the first time. So many firsts!! They all get me so excited!!!
can’t wait to…be his mom. Although, I guess I already am. He doesn’t need to be in the outside world for this to begin. But you know what I mean.
least favorite parts of pregnancy this month…Ummmmm. A lot. See above.
favorite parts of pregnancy this month…It’s coming to a close! HA. No seriously the fact that it is coming to a close brings me great joy. Not only am I ready for pregnancy to be over I am SOOOOOO damn excited to meet this little creature. My son!!! I get to meet me son soon! Ready to start the next phase of this journey.
Monthly pregnancy update – February / six months
This pregnancy seems to be flying by at an incredible speed. When I first found out I was pregnant I wasn’t sure how I was expected to wait eight months to meet him (although, at the point I was convinced he was a she). It seemed impossibly long. But the weeks keep flying by and somehow it’s February 1st. How is that possible?! Although, I’m just starting to get to the “I’m uncomfortable all the time” stage of pregnancy so I have a sneaking suspicion time might start to slow for me. The most exciting update I have this month is that I can feel him move now! As I mentioned in a previous post I was prepared not to feel him move for a long while due to the position of my placenta. So I was shocked when I felt a kick. It was an unmistakable kick. I didn’t question if it was gas or digestion. Nope, it was very clear to me that something just kicked me from the inside. This is by far my favorite part of pregnancy. It’s such a surreal feeling. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel him and I live for those moments. I always stop whatever I am doing so I can be completely present for it. Brian says he always knows when I can feel him because a big smile washes over my face. I just can’t get enough of it. Feeling my son move inside me is the most magical thing I have ever experienced. With that said, I pretty much hate every other part of pregnancy. My back hurts…I can never get comfortable…sleeping at night has become impossible (the pregnancy pillow I ordered is useless. It’s massive too! It’s like wrestling an alligator in the middle of the night when I try to rearrange it)…I’m tired all the time…I miss moving my body more (doc made me tone down my workouts due to some cramping I experienced a few weeks ago)…after I eat I feel short of breath and claustrophobic…I just don’t feel like myself. Not like I expected to feel like myself while growing a human (don’t worry I’m not crazy). It’s just been a hard adjustment. I feel uncomfortable in my own body most days and I still have so many more months to go. But then I feel him kick and move and it’s all worth it. I’m already so madly in love with him.
I’m feeling…lots of movement from him. He’s most active in the morning around 7am and at night around 8:30-9:00. Luckily, he leaves me alone while I try to sleep. Maybe he knows I’m already having a hard enough time as it is. Thanks, little one. I’m personally feeling pretty calm. Which has surprised me. My anxiety is at an all time low. I’m sure as his due date nears that may change but at the moment life feels exactly as it should and I’m not stuck in my head worrying about the future or much of anything actually. The future feels bright and I feel grateful.
food loves…I’m still going strong with my love of fruit and yogurt. With the amount of yogurt I’ve been eating I wonder if I will be disgusted with it after I give birth.
daydreaming about…what he’s going to look like. Genes are such a funny thing. You really never know what you’re going to get. Sometimes kids look exactly like one parent…or sometimes they are a spitting image of uncle so in so…it’s really a crap shoot. I find myself wondering if he will have light hair like I did when I was born or jet black hair like Brian when he was born…I wonder if he will have Brian’s pretty green eyes…I wonder if he will furrow his brows like me when he thinks…I wonder if he will have finger toes like me. I just can’t wait to lay eyes on him. Oh and I also daydream about sushi a lot too.
can’t wait to…start our birth preparation classes. The more information the better in my mind. I keep reminding Brian that if he had something growing inside him that had to make an exit at some point…he’d be learning everything he could about the subject as well.
least favorite parts of pregnancy this month…not sleeping at night. My body aches as I toss and turn trying to get comfortable. I can’t wait to sleep on my stomach again.
favorite parts of pregnancy this month…feeling him move!!! The fact that my bump is no longer a burrito bump and instead an obvious baby bump. It certainly makes dressing it more fun.
This ultrasound picture is from many weeks ago but it’s still one of my favorites. His little head was turned towards us so I got quite a clear image of his face. I fell in love with his little chin. I will admit he looks a bit like a skeleton but a cute skeleton, right?!
(me and my little guy / four months)
It’s shocking to me that I am already in my second trimester. The first seriously flew by! I am not complaining though, I much prefer the second. And not because I suffered extreme nausea during the first like so many women I know (I’ve actually experienced very little), but rather I feel safer in the second. I spent a lot of the first trimester worrying. I doubt this comes as a surprise. I’d swing between excitement (we’re having a baby!!) and worry on a daily basis. I worried I would miscarry. I worried about what I ate – there are so many random things on the “no” list! I worried about the tests they ran- all normal tests during the first trimester but still scary. I had one particularly horrible day when I experienced bad cramping around 10 weeks. I was terrified and spent most of the day in tears. I was so scared of loosing our baby. In the end they passed and our baby is happy and healthy. I’ve done my best to stay calm and relaxed. One…I want to enjoy my pregnancy, it’s such a magical time and I don’t want to spend it worrying. And two…I want my baby to enjoy the pregnancy. I don’t want him to spend his time growing in the belly of a person who’s feeling anxious all the time. I want it to be a calm and happy experience for all parties involved. Now that I am in my fourth month I am easing into it. There’s a definite bump, which I wasn’t expecting quite yet. I’m not sure what the norm for a bump is at four months though. I’m sure it varies!
The highlight of the first trimester was definitely finding out the baby’s gender. It’s crazy how early they can tell you now. They don’t even need to see it on an ultrasound. They took my blood to determine the baby’s gender- WILD. Both Brian and I wanted a boy. I’ve always imagined myself with a son so the idea of having a girl just seemed foreign. The fact that I wanted a boy left me convinced our baby was a girl. I’m not sure if I was preparing myself so I wouldn’t be disappointed? Waiting for the gender results proved hard for me. I am not known for my patience. When they took my blood they said it could take up to 14 business days to receive the results. Our results did not come back until the 14th business day. I mean, come on! By day 13 I had convinced myself our baby was a hermaphrodite and that was why it was taking so long. True story. When I finally did get the call from the doctor’s office and they said BOY I was in shock. A boy?!??! Still letting the news sink in- so happy about it though.
Monthly pregnancy update – December / four months
Baby’s Size- A navel orange (4 inches)
I’m feeling...calmer, even more connected to the baby now that I can refer to it as a “him”, hungry all the damn time, extremely tired by the end of the day (I go to bed most nights at 9pm), grateful & more present.
food loves…yogurt (all flavors! my love for yogurt knows no limits), meat (my low was eating chili for breakfast. chili! so weird) & carbs.
food hates…eggs. before becoming pregnant my breakfast most mornings consisted of scrambled eggs. now the idea of handling them and eating them makes me uncomfortable.
daydreaming about…the nursery. I have so many ideas and I can’t wait to start his room.
can’t wait to…feel him move
least favorite parts of pregnancy this month…saying goodbye to my skinny jeans (they were tight even before pregnancy!), the fact that I can’t sleep on my stomach anymore (that’s the only way I sleep!)
favorite parts of pregnancy this month…the arrival of a small bump. sharing the news with our loved ones.
I’m guessing from the title of this post you know what’s coming…A BABY!!!!!!! Can you tell I’m happy about this news? Actually, happy isn’t a grand enough word to describe how I feel. I’m literally bursting at the seams with joy. I can’t seem to wipe the huge smile off my face. It’s been 75 days since I first held the positive pregnancy test in my hands and I still feel like I am floating on a cloud. The whole thing feels unreal despite the bulge at my midsection.
Brian and I started “trying” for a baby in June. I had heard it could take up to a year to get pregnant but I decided I was going to get pregnant the first month. Such an overachiever, huh? So imagine my surprise when I didn’t get pregnant that first month. I immediately started worrying. From then on, getting pregnant became all I could think about. I researched everything on the subject…what to eat, what not to eat, fertility boosters, stress relievers, positions, blah blah blah. In an attempt to get my body in tip-top shape I cut out alcohol, limited my caffeine intake, got off any anxiety medicine and started eating even healthier than I already did, all in hopes it would boost my chances of getting pregnant. After three months of trying…still no baby.
I was feeling rather defeated by the whole process. I am a person who believes that actions should yield results and my actions weren’t yielding the desired results.
I am aware that three months isn’t a very long time but it felt like an eternity to me. When you’re ready…you’re ready, you know? The process was a good lesson for me- I don’t control the universe. As much as I’d like to…I don’t and sadly, I never will. For a person who craves control, this is always a hard pill for me swallow.
I realized I had to refocus my energy. Instead of tightly griping on to my ideas of how it should go, I had to trust the process. I had to trust that our baby would come when it was meant to be. I had to trust the divine timing of it all. There’s magic in the things we can’t control. I truly believe the universe has an order to it and once I reminded myself of that I was able to surrender.
It was around this time I got pregnant.
My period wasn’t due for four days but I had been feeling “off” for close to a week with cramping and lower back aches. I just felt weird. Of course this made me excited that I could possibly be pregnant but I also tried to remain cautious about getting too excited…I didn’t want to be disappointed. After Brian left for work that morning I was lying in bed sipping my coffee when I remembered that I had an unopened package of First Responses under the sink in the bathroom (a pregnancy test that you can take six days before your missed period). So I thought…why not? If it’s negative I will try another test in a few days again. Nothing lost, right?
So I took the test…set the alarm for three minutes….sat on the bathroom floor in my pjs and continued to sip my coffee while I waited.
Three minutes later the alarm went off and I peered at the test.
And there it was….
That moment was an out-of-body experience. A billion thoughts rushed through my head in a millisecond. OMG! It says YES! I’m going to be a mother…we’re going to have a baby!!!…I can’t wait to tell Brian!!…OMG…Holy shit…I’m going to be somebody’s mom…HOLY SHIT…HOLY SHIT…HOLY SHIT…there’s a tiny human in my belly! What a fucking miracle! Shit…am I allowed to drink coffee now that I’m pregnant??? The last thought left me running to the sink to spit out my mouthful of coffee. I continued to stand there and stare at the positive test in my hand- unable to grasp the fact that this was really happening. Becoming a parent is such an abstract thought…until it isn’t. A wave of emotion came over me and I started to cry. I felt so grateful. So elated. So nervous. So shocked. So insanely happy.
It makes Frank very uncomfortable when I cry and he anxiously peered up at me with his big brown eyes. I kept reassuring him it was ok, that I was just happy. Then I informed him he was going to be a big brother. ha.
Still unable to catch my breath and with tears streaming down my face I picked up the phone to call Brian. Then I thought better of it and hung up. I didn’t want him to find out he was going to be a father in a hurried phone call between meetings at work, so I dialed my mother instead. She sleepily picked up the phone (it was 7 am after all) and I began to sob even harder.
To which she fearfully replied, “Kate??? What’s wrong???! Are you ok??!”
“I’m preeeee- ga- nant!!” I said between tears.
“I’m PREGNANT!” I said
“You are!!? Why are you crying then???”
“I don’t know” sniffle “I guess I’m just overwhelmed.”
So, that’s how my mom found out.
After hanging up with her I began to ponder my next step. I felt emotionally paralyzed. I guess I was supposed to go to the doctor for blood work to confirm it? Yeah, that seemed right. So I got dressed and drove to my doctor’s office. A few hours later I got the call…I was most definitely pregnant! The next thing on my agenda…how to tell Brian the news. I went back and forth on various ideas. Even googling “how to tell your partner you’re pregnant”- let me tell you…there are some really creative people out there. So many brilliant ideas. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put on a big show or just tell him the news. I tried to think of ways to bring Frank into the announcement as well. Maybe I could find a shirt that read “I’m going to be a big brother” and squeeze Frank into it before Brian got home? Sadly, I was crunched for time so instead of driving around town in search of a big brother shirt for Frank, I headed to the bookstore in search of a book about becoming a father for Brian. I settled on a book that’s cover read…“DUDE, YOU’RE GOING TO BE A DAD!” with a bunch of sperm swimming around. I thought the swimming sperm was a nice touch.
I taped the positive test stick to the cover of the book (not quite sure why I thought the book title wouldn’t be clear enough?) and put it at the bottom of a newly folded pile of clothes out of the dryer. When Brian got home from work I asked him to go thru the pile to make sure everything was his before putting it away. He went thru each shirt…yes…yes…yes…yes…no…yes…then he got to the book..looked right at it and moved on- clearly, it didn’t register at first. Then he stopped in his tracks…went back to the book…peered at me with wide eyes and said…REALLY??!
He stood there quietly. I wasn’t quite sure what was coming next. Tears, maybe?? Brian doesn’t do well with surprises. After a few moments…he made a move…hugged me tightly and said…”I’m so happy for you!”
“I’m so happy for you” Best. Response. Ever. Like I was some stranger on the street who just told him she was pregnant.
I said, “You’re so happy for ME? You are aware that I didn’t get pregnant on my own right?”
He will never live that response down- NEVER. I won’t let him. I was expecting tears. people! Poor boy was in total shock. After an hour (and a few beers) the shock had worn off and he was excitedly touching my belly. He just needed a minute to let it all sink in.
So there you have it…we’re having a BABY!!!
And we found out last week it’s a baby boy!!!