Tag Archives: change

currently

22 Feb

 

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our attempts at a family selfie

reading:

If the book has to do with birthing a child or raising it…I probably own it. The pile of books next to my bed keeps growing. So many points of view on everything! So many details! I might just give up on reading them all and wing it.

looking forward to:

A trip to Sedona (one of my favorite places) this Friday for Brian’s birthday. I’m a little bummed I won’t be able to do as much hiking as I normally do (my OB has put a stop to overly strenuous physical activity) when we go but I’m sure I will find other ways to decompress. Maybe I’ll drink lots of wine instead….kiddddding. Most likely I will just do a lot of reading and if the weather permits I may take this baby bump for a swim in the pool.

I’m also looking forward to a few days in San Francisco in early March. Brian has to go for work so I decided to tag along. He will most likely be working non-stop so I plan to wander the city alone (well, I guess I’m never really alone right now am I?). I actually enjoy this…I can be such a loner sometimes. Any recommendations on places I should visit or eat?

Showering this baby boy! My mom and step mom are throwing a shower for baby boy on April 3rd and my mother in law and aunt are throwing another one for him on April 17th. Something about a baby shower makes it all feel very real…and his arrival  soon.

thinking about: 

birthing a small human. Brian and I toured the hospital a few weeks ago and let’s just say it made the fact that this babe has to make an exit at some point a harsh reality. I’ve been so focused on all the other stuff…baby names, baby room, baby shower, baby clothes….etc that I haven’t really thought about the birth in great detail. Well, the tour changed that. It was all going so well until I happened to notice the huge spotlights above the labor and delivery bed. There’s going to be a stage production happening at my vagina people! I started to break out in cold sweats when I saw those puppies. I keep reminding myself that people have babies every day. I am not special. I too will survive this. I think.

enjoying: 

The downtime I have been able to enjoy before the baby arrives. I haven’t not worked since I was seventeen! Although baby boy and I have done some fit modeling work for maternity lines. Clearly, I believe in child labor at a very early age. But mostly my days are filled with walks, lunches with friends, reading, nesting at home & writing in coffee shops. It’s amazing how fast the day goes when you don’t do anything.

loving: 

my husband, decaf iced lattes from le pain quotidien, pinteresting ideas for the nursery, feeling my son move in my belly, mangos & my girlfriends.

watching:

togetherness, girls, walking dead, life in pieces, grey’s anatomy, how to get away with murder…oh and house hunters international (it speaks to my soul!)

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around these parts…

5 Jan

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(image via)

Happy New Year lovely people!! I’m always a bit shocked when a new year arrives. Time seems to be moving at warp speed. Where did 2015 go, you know? Although, I’m ok with putting 2015 to bed…I like the sound of 2016. The number just feels good rolling off my tongue and I love the energy that a new year brings. 2015, was an intense year for me- intensely hard and intensely beautiful. I said it on my instagram account but it felt as if 2015 had two acts. Act one kicked my ass- it was filled with lessons, hard work, big questions & uncomfortable (albeit needed) personal growth. I can’t say I enjoyed that period but I know that it lead me to a better version of me, so, high-five Universe! Thanks for dragging me through the shit! I truly believe that we must go through dark periods to earn and appreciate the lighter ones, and act two of 2015 was just that…a big bright light. It was  one of the sweetest periods I can ever remember experiencing. I’m so grateful for the gifts it brought me.

This new year feels different from most for me. I’m usually all about starting the year off with big goals to accomplish in the 365 days I have. While I do still have goals this year (working on a new vision board now) my intention for this year is less about attaining things and more about enjoying things. It’s shaping up to be a year that I will have to be ok with things moving at a slower pace than I am used to. I officially stopped working last week until the babe arrives in May. I knew it was coming considering my job as a fit model is based on my measurements and they have certainly changed dramatically in the last few months. Even with the preparation, it was a hard pill for me to swallow. I really enjoy working and the idea of stopping sounded less than ideal. All my clients were great about it though. They were very supportive and reassuring that they would have me back when I was ready. So my plan is to go back a few months after he is born (granted I can get back to my measurements!). Even with their reassurance I found it hard to turn all my clients over to another fit model. I felt such a lack of control! I had to remind myself that change is inevitable and letting go was ok. There will always be new clients. On to a new adventure, right?!

So what am I going to do with myself for the next 4 1/2 months before he arrives? Your guess is as good as mine. Someone told me I could spend it getting his nursery ready. This idea made me giggle…who needs 4 1/2 months to ready a nursery? God help me if it takes that long! I’m hoping to fill my time with more writing & blogging. I’ve really neglected both for some time. I used to blog every damn day and now I’m lucky if I do once a week. I also hope to fall into a regular yoga practice. I haven’t gone to one class since finding out I was pregnant (In the beginning I was scared that I would hurt the baby but I think I am moving past my “scared of everything” phase). Ok so I definitely have blogging, writing & yoga to fill my days. My other ideas include a once a week artist date with myself, baking (because what better time to take up baking than when you are pregnant…I’m already getting bigger so why not just throw myself all in, you know?) & home projects (it’s so funny how strong the urge is to nest and ready your space before the baby arrives. Like he is going to care about the new credenza or which shade of grey I paint the walls!). Any other brilliant ideas about how I should spend the next few months?

 

home decor – current office space

27 Aug

One of my goals this year is to finish decorating our loft. We bought and moved into our place shortly after getting engaged, which was the start to a truly crazy year. Planning our wedding definitely took center stage as well as got first dibs on any extra funds. Weddings have a way sucking all the energy out of other parts of your life. We have done a few things since moving in…we bought a new sectional couch for the living room, a new bookcase for the office, Brian bought three pieces of vintage furniture while I was away on my bachelorette (thankfully, I liked them. Well, the vintage theatre chairs are still growing on me) & we replaced the small marble slab on the kitchen island with a custom-built much larger wood top to accommodate more people.

Other than that we’ve done very little- we haven’t even painted the walls or hung all our art yet! It’s time to give our home a little love. Each week I will show you the current state of each room in our house, as well as inspiration photos for what I want for the space. Our home is not terribly large so the “unveiling” will move rather quick. I thought I’d start with our office space because it makes me the most crazy. It has become the room where all the crap we don’t know what to do with ends up. Doesn’t everybody have one of these rooms? In preparation for taking photos of the office for this post I was about to clean & organize (kinda like everyone does before their housekeeper comes to clean) in fear of judgement. But then I realized I would be giving a very inaccurate view of our office space. So I decided to shoot it (Brian obviously shot these photos:) just the way it is.

my current work space…

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Brian (and Franks- HA!) current work space…

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bookshelf wall…

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overview…

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Things we want to do…

  •  Get rid of the couch…although I really do love certain things about it…especially the color! It has also become Franks daybed (you can pretty much guarantee you will find him cuddled up there when you get home) I’m not sure who’s going to miss it more when it goes. But we need to say goodbye to it to create more space for the desk we plan to build.
  •  Speaking of the desk we want to build…we want one long industrial looking wood/iron desk that takes up the whole wall and will serve as both of our desks. We go back on forth about what we want to have above the desk…a huge corkboard wall (could be fun, right?) Art? Shelving for storage? Any other ideas?
  •  Once my work space is moved to the large wall we will have a built-in cabinet left and half a blank wall. We go back and forth about what to do with this space. One day we hope it houses a crib (yes our future 1st child will have to share a room with an office. Problems with loft living! Luckily, not forever!) but until then what? Maybe move the bookshelf there? Maybe a fun colored reading chair?
  •  Regarding the bookshelf wall I think the bookshelf just needs to be organized better. I am convinced that we could probably donate half the books and still live a fulfilled existence. I think I might organize the remaining books by color. I always thought that that method made the shelf look like a piece of art.
  •  I’m not quite sure what to say about the wall under the large window. It’s rather offensive to the eyes, eh? Clearly, needs to be streamlined. But where will I put the vision boards!! HA.
  •  I also think the room needs a fabulous ethnic bright-colored rug. I’m pretty obsessed with ethnic rugs and think every room needs one.
  •  Lastly, I want to paint the room Boulder Grey by Ralph Lauren, a color which I’ve used before and simply love. It’s the perfect grey.

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find me elsewhere : facebook / instagram / twitter / pinterest 

project 30 – amber

19 Aug

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Amber, 35

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

Live life open-hearted and don’t try to fit into a mold. Work hard, trust your instincts and judgment and dedicate way more time to your dreams and way less time to finding temporary joy or romance. The biggest mistakes I’ve made in my career and otherwise were trying too hard to be something I’m not or trying to go down a path that wasn’t true to myself. Once I realized that I can create the life that I want, I actually did it and I was actually way happier.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

I was more serious about one career path rather than trying out many. I interned for everyone and wanted to try everything, which was great in some ways, but detrimental in others. I see people in their 20s now who are at the top of their game because they jumped right in and made themselves an expert even though they weren’t. I wanted to learn and work my way up the hard way. I did learn a lot, but I also wasted a lot of time. I think if I just trusted my gut, I would have moved faster.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

The search for true love. I now believe that love finds you when YOU’RE ready. If you are half a person, you won’t ever be complete until you find your other half. Your other half isn’t another person, it’s within yourself. Once you’re whole, you can give what you have to another.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

There are so many great moments with my best girlfriends when I was living in Florida and New York City. We were so silly, carefree, emotional, supportive, compassionate & unsure of ourselves. It was a magical rollercoaster.

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

I wanted to be in a big city and in a fast paced high-profile position in fashion or art.

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

By 30 I had fulfilled that wish. I was working in fashion at big magazines with big stars. It was exciting, but I realized that the fast paced fashion life was not fulfilling for me. I realized I felt more fulfilled by working on my whole life, not just my career. I actually achieved that by slowing down.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

I think that’s always a fear, but I trust the universe to lead me to the right thing at the right time.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

Finally feeling confident in my own skin! I think in your 20s you are working out who you are and by 30 you finally get it. It was nice when I finally saw myself clearly.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

Being a mother who can share this experience and these memories with kids. I also look forward to my next career iterations, since by then I will be an expert!

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

Surround everything with love.

connect with Amber-

website / work / etsy  /

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project 30 – sophie

11 Jul

I’ve been wanting the sweet, soulful and talented Sophie Jaffe of The Philosophie to do the project 30’s Q&A forEVER. Problem was I had to wait for her to turn 30! Which luckily happened a few months ago. I seriously don’t understand how she was able to accomplish so much before turning 30- impressive! I met Sophie a few years back through mutual friends and I am so grateful to now call her a friend. She’s a big bright light and her positive energy is infectious! Enjoy her answers…

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Sophie, 30

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

Get crazy and let go a bit more often. Have more sex. Create more experiences and trust yourself so that you can draw from them later: people rarely judge a person in their early 20’s for crazy behavior, so make it happen!

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

Reading in my free time. Now that I have kiddos I just can’t muster up the brain power/ physically energy to read more than one page without passing out.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

My life has always been pretty serious. I was forced to grow up and take a mommy role of my brother at a young age. I had a wonderful childhood and made the most of it, but there wasn’t a lot a couldn’t take seriously because I didn’t have much of a choice.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

Traveling all around the world/having adventures, Getting married + Giving birth to my two beautiful boys/the first most magic years with them.

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

I was still really discovering what I wanted and needed in my early 20’s so it was hard to project what may be possible by 30’s. A lot of shifts and awakenings occurred in my early 20’s. My childhood best friend died suddenly and unexpectedly and my mom developed breast cancer; both of which rocked my world. I know for sure I thought I would be on a more traditional path, educationally, and probably would’ve gotten my masters or MFT or be employed in a hospital as health psychologist. Really happy that didn’t happen 🙂

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

Married to the greatest man, 2 gorgeous kids + a prospering business I could’ve never dreamt up.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

Never.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

Perspective.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

Quiet moments with myself (reading finally… maybe?), building family memories with my hubby, parents + children and lots of vacations traveling the world, soaking it all in with my beautiful friends and their families.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

“Be Soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” -Kurt Vonnegut

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connect with Sophie

facebook, twitter and Instagram @philosophiemama

project 30 – barrett

5 Nov

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Barrett, 30 from ValleyBrink Road 

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

Stop worrying so much about what others think. Focus. Make some long-term goals. If he just texts you, he’s not that into you.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

My career. Having healthy relationships and friendships.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

Going out.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

Learning how to cook. I never cooked as a child and wasn’t really that interested in food at all when I was younger. My first year in college I was suffering from a broken heart, and turned to the food network for comfort. I watched show after show for weeks. One day, I decided to actually cook a recipe myself. Then another and another. This is how I discovered my love of cooking and my deep appreciation for good food.

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

I thought I would be a women’s clothing designer living and working in LA or NYC.

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

The year I turned 30, my husband and I made the hard decision to close the women’s handbag line we had started 2 years prior. While all of this was happening, I needed something that took my mind off of this loss and gave me some kind of creative satisfaction. So, after some helpful nudges from close friends, I started a food blog. It began as a place to share my hobby, recipes, and adventures. From there, everything just took off and before I knew what had happened I had a brand new career. I had always loved cooking, and now I realize it had been my passion for 10 years, but I just never thought of it as something I could do as a career.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

Once I took the leap, the worry fell away. I felt much more anxiety and uncertainty when I was working in fashion. Everything with Valleybrink Road has happened in such an organic way and so fast, I haven’t had time to worry about things not falling into place. It just feels like this is what I was always supposed to be doing.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

The greatest gift about being a woman in her 30’s is the incredible women around me. In your 20’s relationships with women, at least for me, were filled with more jealously, manipulation, and competition. The women in my life now feel like an incredible support system, encouraging each step I take, inspiring me, and collaborating with me. It is a beautiful camaraderie I have never felt before.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

I can only hope that the happiness, satisfaction, inspiration, and love I feel at this moment in time continues to grow and nurture, not only my being, but all of those around me. I love the life I have created, the people I share it with, and the work I am doing. I just hope that I continue to move forward on this path.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

Let the good times roll.

find barrett elsewhere: blog / twitter / facebook 

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52

18 Sep

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Oh, change.

I’ve been trying to find my balance amidst all the change this year has brought me. Somedays successfully…and others…well, not so much. I’ve always found that I have a hard time with change. Which is surprising to me because my life always seems to be full of change. Almost as if I seek out the very thing that is hard for me to deal with. Last week my therapist asked me a very interesting question…”how do you think you’re going to feel after you are married?” Huh, I hadn’t really thought about that. All I have thought about is how I feel now. The pure excitement I feel about becoming Bri’s wife. I recalled a few different responses some of my friends  have had after the big day…one felt claustrophobic…one felt let down and a little depressed after the high of the day was over…one said she had never felt better. How would I feel? I didn’t really know.

I sat there thinking about how I thought I would feel and then I remembered the last big change in my life and how I reacted.

Ruh-Ruh…I thought

Seven months ago we bought and moved into our beautiful new loft. A loft that I swear looks exactly like every home image on my vision board. Finding out we got it was one of the most exciting moments. I just couldn’t believe it was going to be ours. I was overcome with gratitude and felt like we were the luckiest people alive. Not to mention I was dying to get out of our miniature and rundown bungalow by the beach. I hated that place and complained about it on a daily basis. It was tiny (I literally had to move Brian’s surfboards every time I needed to get in the fridge), there was no dishwasher (and the sink would back up all the time), little closet space (clothes would fall on my head each time I opened the closet), had no heat (we seriously froze in the winter!) and only one parking space. ( I collected many parking tickets during this time)

I was ready to get the hell out of there. I was so excited in fact I started packing up our place a month ahead of schedule.

But after we moved into our new home my excitement popped like a balloon. Suddenly, I felt depressed. I felt discombobulated. I felt isolated. I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of it. I just didn’t feel like myself. I actually cried for a few days because I missed our old crappy little bungalow by the beach. I missed having to huddle around the wall heater in the bathroom brushing our teeth in the morning.  I missed the cozy holidays we spent there with our Christmas tree taking over the whole living room. I missed the view we had of the park from our windows. I missed cooking dinner with Brian in our tiny kitchen. I fondly remembered the time my heel went through the hard wood floor because of the termites. I remembered laughing so hard we cried because we could hear our neighbor do…well, everything through our paper-thin walls. I missed that bungalow so much that I wanted to be transported back. It was rickety and old but it was oh, so sweet, and filled with charm. Our life felt really simple while we lived there and I’ve come to learn I really like simple.

I felt crazy admitting my feelings to anyone because I thought that they made me sound ungrateful (I mean, who was I to complain??) and I hate seeming ungrateful because I try consciously to operate from a place of gratitude every day. But, as hard as I tried I just couldn’t shake it. I felt depressed. I remember calling my mom and asking, “Why do I feel this way when I am so blessed and lucky? I got exactly what I wanted. What’s wrong with me?”

Many moons have passed since that time and now I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I get home everyday and look around our home with a smile on my face.

I’ve learned that change is hard for me. Even fabulous and exciting change. Even change  that I want badly and work hard to create. Growing up and taking on new responsibilities is hard.

But, I wouldn’t change any of it. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am excited. Actually, I’m excited for all the next steps that this life may bring, even if they make my cry for a few days.

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“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” – Anatole France