Tag Archives: trust

project 30 – katie

4 Sep

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Katie, 35

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

Don’t give so much power to what others think of you. What do YOU think? Spend your energy deliberating on whether you will be proud of the choices that you’re making. You’re the one who has to live with yourself every day.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

Not much. I was more Type A than I probably needed to be. It was easy to feel like every choice was monumentally precious.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

Every romantic relationship… until the day that I met my husband.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

I ran my first marathon when I was 23. I trained with a fabulous group of people, who were so completely different from me. Different ages, career paths, socio economic backgrounds. It was such a beautiful reminder that we are a world community, created to support and love one another. As humans we are more alike than dissimilar, and often find exactly who we need in the most unlikely places.

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

I hoped that I would be a stage manager in NYC, working my way towards Broadway. My vision was pretty singular, though. I only saw success on an individual, professional level. No thoughts of being married or having a family. I wasn’t opposed to it; I just didn’t factor it into my picture.

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

At 30 I was married to my best friend. We’d bought our first place in Boston, shared in one another’s mounting professional and personal triumphs, reveled in the joys of our friends, stood beside one another through the deaths of family members. And a year later we met the baby boy that we would eventually adopt. Life was complex and trying, tiring and tiresome at moments, but so much fuller and richer than I could have imagined.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

Not really. I’ve always had faith that life would work out exactly the way that God intended it for me, even if it was far different from what I would have constructed for myself.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

Your 30s offer such a sense of peace and confidence that I was never able to harness in my twenties. Even as I continue to take risks, having no idea where tomorrow may land me, I do so with the confidence that, sink or swim, it’s all going to be worthwhile. Brazenness is couples with bravery in my thirties.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

Passion, fervor, constant laughter (both at life and myself), taking joy in the joy of others.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.

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project 30 – danielle

7 Aug

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Danielle , 31

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

TRAVEL as much as you possibly can, go far, be adventurous and expand your consciousness.

LEARN as much as you can, specifically as many languages and sciences as you can, to give you a wide breadth of judgment and communication.

READ as much literature as you can, focusing on the great classics of the world.

TRUST your instincts, do not allow anyone else to shape your world-view.

BE yourself and follow your passions.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

Having fun! Most of my 20s were spent studying (law school, the bar exam, case law as a prosecutor). All of these endeavors were so serious!!! There wasn’t much room for fun or being carefree and just going with the flow. I wish I had realized the value of letting loose at a younger age.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

Appearances. Not just my physical appearance but concerns with overall impressions I was imparting to the outside world. I was obsessed with what other people thought of me…and what a shame that was! It is such a waste of time and energy, and so massively unimportant. From obsessing about whether my shoes matched my outfit, to what car I drove – this constant pressure of keeping up with the Joneses did nothing positive for me.

If there was one thing I could change, I would have the attitude that I have today throughout my 20’s – which is being firmly committed to being true to myself, and who I am no matter what sort of impression it may leave on others.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

Hands down my favorite memory was my first trip to the African continent when I was 21 years old. I went to many African countries and was changed by the astounding beauty of untouched nature, the wildlife, the people and their slower pace of life. The profundity of it all left a strong impression on me, and shaped my interests moving forward. Today I still commit much time and energy toward wildlife and habitat conservation.

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc.) by 30?

Ha! This is such a great question! The time flies by so quickly and you are 30 before you know it. First and foremost, as a twenty-something I thought people in their 30’s were “old”, in fact I held that belief all the way until my 29th birthday!

Given that I thought 30 year olds were old, I definitely believed that I would be married, with 2 kids, living in a house like the one I grew up in with a pool, and a huge backyard… I remember being 28 and thinking that I still had so much time to create that by 30…

…and then, once I was 30 I stepped back and asked myself if that was what I really wanted.

I took a different course, making some difficult choices – broke an engagement, changed jobs, and started to form the happy life that I live today which has none of the accoutrements that I once believed were so essential.

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

At 30, I was finally in a loving relationship with my wonderful fiancée. I had 3 Chihuahuas instead of 2 human kids. I began my course to become a yoga instructor, and truly dedicated myself to the things that mattered to me – traveling, learning new languages, devoting myself to my lifelong passion of painting, and getting involved with volunteering for homeless animals.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

Absolutely yes! And the older I get the more I realize that there is no place to fall – believing there is a “place” is a very immature point of view in my estimation.

You create your life moment by moment, worrying about where you may or may not be in the future does not improve your life today. Your present moment is the only moment that you are assured to live so LIVE it, engage in it, and be happier.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

Having the courage to make my life a reflection of who I am.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

To be honest, I do not have a vision for 40. I do have one goal – I hope that I am leading a fulfilled life at 40.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

I couldn’t narrow it down to 1 quote I live by– so here are 5 quotes that encapsulate my philosophy of life…

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me?” – Howard Roark, The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.

“A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life.” – Charles Darwin

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.” – Albert Einstein

“Necessity is not an established fact, but an interpretation.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” – Anatole France.

 

 

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9 Sep

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I woke up at four in the morning today and not because I wanted to. Sometimes I don’t even realize that i’m even stressed or overwhelmed until the quiet of the night finds me. When I wake up in the dark silence of my bed and my head won’t stop running through fears, stresses, concerns and regrets. This morning I was filled with thoughts about money stresses (ones that haven’t even happened yet but what if? You know?), wedding stresses (will this day actually go smoothly?) and work stresses (mostly fears that certain things won’t turn out the way I wish and hope) Everything felt so mind numbingly overwhelming in that moment. I could feel my breath quicken.  My brows begin to furrow. I rolled over and placed my hand on Brian’s and listened to him breathe peacefully. I realized in that moment how grateful I am to have a life partner. It’s such a gift. A few years ago I remember waking up with some of those same scary thoughts running through my head in the dark of the night and feeling so alone in it all. No matter how scary the unknown feels sometimes having a partner to hold your hand through it makes such a difference. Even if he doesn’t know he’s holding your hand in that moment. It still counts.

When I finally rolled out of bed and to my computer to tackle some emails I received two emails that made me smile. Sometimes the universe knows how to remind you everything is indeed ok. Your are safe. Things are always working behind the scenes. And to Trust. Stay in the flow.

One was from a new friend and it read…

“Hope the wedding countdown isn’t making you too crazy. Two days before my wedding I woke up to find that in my sleep I had submersed my cell phone in a cup of tea on my nightstand. I hadn’t backed it up in almost a year!!!! I knew then that it was a message to myself that I just needed to LET GO. I had all these expectations of what the week before my wedding should look & feel like and I realized that I needed to stop trying to make everything fit those ideals. I was holding the week hostage & the moment I let that go I allowed the spontaneous beauty of chaos to take me on a great adventure that was so much more real & vivid than anything I could have ever planned. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was rooted in truth & unconditional love…. and isn’t that just what marriage is all about?!!”
Seriously, it’s like she knew I needed to hear exactly that. Thank you, B.
The other was my morning wake up email from The Universe and it read…
Kate, when it comes to pursuing the life of your dreams, you can look at it like this:Best case scenario… the sun, the moon, and the stars. Worst case scenario… the sun, the moon, and the stars.Tallyho,
The Universe
Grateful for the simple reminders today.

project 30 – brian

7 May

It feels weird to introduce Brian on my blog considering I talk about him allllll the time. You would have to be living under a rock to not know who he was, but, just in case….he’s my future husband and my favorite human. I can’t believe I actually got him to  participate in my “Project 30’s” Q & A. Let’s just say that opening up on the world-wide web is soooooo not his style. He leaves that to his crazy fiance. Somehow I got him to agree to be the first male to be interviewed for the project- I think that means he loves me.

Honestly, his answers are so thoughtful and inspiring and I’m not just saying that because I am madly in love with him. Enjoy.

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This a totally odd, against the grain, peeling away the onionskin, type exercises. As Kate does, in a totally good way, she continues to challenge me with this fun little outing. Seeing her bravely wade through the literary world, baring her soul one keystroke at a time – how could I not follow that example for at least one day, one post. Welcome behind the curtain, for a glimpse of what Kate is signing up for… by choice.

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What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

Cherish everything – time is finite so don’t let those fleeting moments pass by without noticing. Cherish your family and friends and every moment you have with them – those moments will not, and do not last forever. Embrace the quirks, savor the smiles, store the sounds of their laughter. Cherish those ever-rarer moments of quiet – that unadulterated quiet that only comes with freedom – an naivety that fades as we get older. Revel in the laughter and fun that comes with having friends that truly love you for who you are and just get it – don’t waste time on those that don’t or doing things you aren’t passionate about.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

Quite frankly – I wish I were more selfish – I don’t mean selfish as in “look at me, I’m the center of the universe” selfish, but more of wanting to conquer the insatiable desire to be beyond the normal world, beyond the status quo, experience more, see more, taste more, feel more, learn more, be more. There is no substitute for that unscripted, diving in head first experience and while I think I did a pretty good job accumulating a fairly good haul of those – there is always more – be more selfish.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

The future. I have always believed in myself – my parents instilled an amazing gift in me – in that they believed in me no matter the circumstance or the obstacle ahead. I wish I had trusted this more whole-heartedly and just embraced the moment. I am a “brooder” as one friend once called me. Things are measured, calculated, multiple scenarios are run, an evaluation is made – get out of the thought process and jump into the reality, or for that matter the unknown, that is staring you in the face, just say yes.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

Wow Kate. I mean really? All of it – and that’s not a cop-out. I’ve been, admittedly, very blessed with amazing family and friends, free from most struggles and burdens that face many people throughout their lives. My 20’s were awesome. I lived in 3 different countries, completed multiple degrees in a profession that goes beyond passionate, created life-long friendships, explored the world testing my own perceptions and misconceptions about life and the infinite diversions it has to offer. My 20’s prepared me to be the man I am in my 30’s – and I wouldn’t trade one moment, the good or the bad.

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

Honestly I had no idea. I am not sure that even now I have a concrete idea of what life should be, where I should be going, what it looks like going forward – I don’t know. I always felt that you needed goals to guide you and the ability and freedom to deviate from those as you see fit – free of guilt, with all abandon. That being said – I am driven, sometimes to a point of obsession. But I knew this – I would have a career doing what I passionate about. I would have a family that supported me and stood by me every step of the way. I would have friends who would be there no matter what the situation or the consequences – and that was at a minimum, no matter where life took me. That is an unbelievably precious thing to have – I was free to pursue more, knowing what I already had …

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

I am right where I should be – I know this with no doubt in my mind. Very simply – I just know I am happy. I knew I would have my family, my friends, my career in my 30’s. The part I didn’t know I would have, and definitely was definitely surprised to have, was this amazing partner and best friend, Kate. I mean who end ups dating, engaged to, and soon to be married to a person they have known since grunge, braces, and really bad junior high hair? I have a partner who when she looks at me makes me feel like anything, anything is possible. I had no way to comprehend the effects of when someone has an unrelenting belief you in like Kate does in me. It is inspiring. It is motivating. It is everything. Life is fantastic. Sure, would I also like to be financially golden, gallivanting around the world, pursuing my other passions – absolutely – there’s still time. I am only 31 and Kate and I are just getting started.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

No. And I don’t say that lightly. I have always been confident in myself and my own ability to find a way forward. I thank my parents for that – I also thank the fact I am an only child. Being your own best friend, your own entertainment, your own internal combustion engine providing drive, quite simply reduced my need to have someone else provide that for me. I used to tell my friends that truly – if I had just a handful of wonderful friends in this life, my cabin in the woods, and a faithful pup by my side I would be good. I probably ended up with the better end of that situation – thank you Kate – but I am still pushing for my cabin.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman man  in your 30’s?

Having the confidence in myself, the education and experience that people have to take notice of, the vision to see beyond the hurdle just in front of me and the knowledge that while life is awesome, it also just absolutely blows sometimes, but it always comes back around – have faith.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

More love. More laughter. More adventure. More additions to our family unit – French bulldog or otherwise. Just more – bring it on.

 What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

I have actually always had a strong disdain for role-models, quotes to live by and anything of the like. Why do I want to be like someone else, do what someone else is doing. I want to be my own man – I want to be me. That being said I’ll play along. I read this recently and it speaks to me, where I am at, and where I would like to be going – at least for the next bit of time…

“Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain from you your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, and let it devour your remains.

For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.

– Tenuously attributed to Charles Bukowski

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Connect with Brian

website / facebook / twitter 

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project 30 – cicely

30 Apr

Meet Cicely. Brilliant artist, brave soul, beautiful yogi, loyal friend, joyful human & one smart cookie. We became friends in Jr. High but we really became two peas in a pod in our mid 20’s when she moved into my West Hollywood neighborhood and oh, attached at the hip did we become. Seriously, it wasn’t a Friday night if we weren’t drinking two buck chuck in one of our living rooms while laughing hysterically. I love her. It’s as simple as that. She’s a beautiful bright light in my life. Enjoy getting to know her through her answers. My favorite line…”When I catch myself approaching situations with my child-self, I acknowledge and pause. I then ask my adult-self to turn on and lead the way . I TRUST in Me and Divine guidance.

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Cicely, 30

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

Take a deep breath. Trust YOURSELF.  You CANNOT live to fulfill other people’s ideas of who Cicely is.  Follow your heart  and intuition because even if your mind is telling you to go in a different direction everything circles back to your heart’s desires- the universe knows…

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

The consequences of being me. I let a lot of people disrespect me and I disrespected myself because I didn’t feel I was worthy of love.
I began living by the ideas of what other projected onto me (who I am, what I should be doing with my life, what I should be focusing on for the future) rather than living my truth.  I would play myself down often because I thought that would be less intimidating and make me more acceptable to others. Lets just say some people I kept close in my high school years and around the time of my mother’s passing had a profoundly negative affect on my self-worth. Thankful for the harsh lessons because that allowed me to learn what it is to love ME even more now.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

Yoga teacher training, 23… And meeting my partner, Louis, age 28 🙂

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

Honestly, I had no clue… Everything was so unclear. When I look back at my journals, I have many entries of wishing to live, paint, travel and teach yoga in a foreign country where people spoke spanish. When I was a teenager, I didn’t think I would make it to 30. Very morbid, I know. I just couldn’t see that far into the future… I hoped to be married, have dogs and children.

 And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

I am 6 months into 30. I am living, teaching and painting in MEXICO!! I have a beautiful home that I share with my wonderful partner, two crazy dogs, no wedding ring yet  or children ( I trust it WILL come) and traveling.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

I am a yoga practitioner/instructor, but that doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination mean that I am cool and calm 100% of the time. Actually, I worry the nonsense out of things more often than not. When I catch myself in the moment of worrying I say, “STOP”, take a deep breath, sing “everything’s gonna be alright” a couple times, recite the serenity prayer, and then gayatri mantra. This is a DAILY practice- believe it or not. hahaha! I thought things would never fall into place, but then I began writing daily notes when there was evidence that even small things would work out i.e getting the parking spot I wanted and then the meter was BROKEN so I didn’t have to pay; a friend inviting me to tea; a nice interaction with a stranger; A surprise invitation to move to  Mexico with Louis,… All  these things- past and present- negated my daily anxieties.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

I don’t feel like life is happening to me- I feel like am a deserving co-creator of my life. I own my power, stand in my truth and show up for MYSELF. When I catch myself approaching situations with my child-self, I acknowledge and pause. I then ask my adult-self to turn on and lead the way . I TRUST in Me and Divine guidance.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

Oh man! I want to have a fulfilling marriage,  abundant family life with our children, an explosive and prolific career ( I want to be the Oprah of Fitness and Kandinsky meets  Frank Ghery of art), live in a beautiful home near a body of water, have a vacay home for retreats and family getaways, continue to have opportunities to travel, be surrounded by loving family and friends.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

Don’t make me choose!!! I’ll give you my 3 most favorite:

“Whatever you can do or dream, you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

-Goethe

Fave since 10th grade: “…envy is ignorance; Imitation is suicide.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“… Thoughts become things, dreams do come true, and all things remain forever possible.”- The Universe

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Connect with Cicely:

Website / Blog 

reflections.

20 Feb

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“The physical body is at work every moment, an array of mechanisms with a brilliance of design and efficiency our human efforts have never begun to match. Our hearts beat, our lungs breathe, our ears hear, our hair grows. And we don’t have to make them work- they just do. Planets revolve around the sun, seeds become flowers, embryos become babies, and with no help from us. Their movement is built into a natural system. You and I are integral parts of that system, too. We can let our lives be directed by the same force that makes flowers grow- or we can do it ourselves.

To trust the force that moves the universe is faith. Faith isn’t blind, it’s visionary. Faith is believing that the universe is on our side, and that the universe knows what it’s doing. Faith is a psychological awareness of an unfolding force for good, constantly at work in all dimensions. Our attempts to direct this force only interferes with it. Our willingness to relax into it allows it to work on our behalf.”

– excerpt from “A Return To Love” by Marianne Williamson

inspiration, gratitude and surprises

11 Jan

Inspirations, gratitude and surprises

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I feel so damn happy and full of life. I’m so aware of how lucky I am to have so much love in my life. How lucky I am not to worry about money at the moment (I have in the past and it’s exhausting).  How lucky I am to have a partner in life who really takes being my partner seriously.  How lucky I am for my health. I recently learned a family member was diagnosed with brain cancer at 58, and the news has left me speechless. The other night in yoga I found myself so overcome with gratitude that my heart felt like it was going to burst .

I’m not saying everything is perfect. I still I find myself sitting in my car or in the shower and thinking…what the fuck?…why isn’t such and such going my way? But recently rather than get bogged down by those thoughts, and take it as a sign that the universe is against me, I have found myself trustful that universe’s delay’s aren’t a bad thing. I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.

This weekend should be a fun one. Tonight I have a date with two lovely ladies, Katie and Melissa, whom I met on Jennifer Pastiloff’s Manifestation Retreat earlier this year. Saturday Brian and I plan to pack all day- so fun, huh? Although we will be taking a small break to skype with a possible wedding photographer. Fun! Sunday I have another girls date- a morning yoga with Rachel and Sophie. Then Brian and I are going to head over to the new house to do some measuring. We move in exactly two weeks!!

Lastly, I’ve decided to bring back “Inspiration, Gratitude & Surprise” posts every Friday. They are a really great way for me to reflect on the week.

What inspired me this week?

This post by Katie of Confessions From An Imperfect Life – Her raw honesty opens up my heart every time I read her words.

This post by Jen of Manifestation Yoga– seriously it’s a must read. It really made me think about where fear was rearing its ugly head in my life.

The new blog Valleybrink Road– it makes me want to cook!!

This article by Katie Roiphe about memoir writing

Planning out my artists dates with myself every Friday in February

Bleubird Blog

What am I grateful for this week?

my cozy flannel pajamas

The Vegan Thai restaurant down the street

Work is really busy and I am always grateful when that happens

Taline- for giving us boxes from her move for our move!

What surprised me this week?

I’ve made it ten days with no sugar, gluten, dairy or alcohol and I haven’t gone mad. Clearly, I deserve an award or something. Now for the real test- I start a three-day Pressed Juicery cleanse tomorrow.

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“I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse”

Phillip Yancy