“Clearly, you don’t understand the gravity of the situation or you wouldn’t be standing there taking pictures and laughing. Get the fucking toy, mom” – Frank Glodney
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Brian’s mother, Zina, stopped by last weekend to meet her first grandson Frank, equipped with new toys. I swear between her and my mother, Frank is already a very spoiled boy. Interestingly enough, Frank isn’t really into toys. He’d much rather chew on the couch, my shoes, Brian’s shower scrub gloves, the wall, leaves and paper towels than his slew of toys. So when Zina arrived with the bag of toys I thought…good luck. She pulled out a monkey…nothing…a pig…he gave it one lick…a ball…he gave it a nudge…then she pulled out a teething ring that smelled of chicken and his eyes lit up. Truly they did. It was love at first sight. He immediately grabbed the little ring and started nawing at it. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe I wouldn’t have to be his constant play companion now that he had this!
Sadly, that is not what developed over the last ten days. He won’t actually chew it, instead he hides it around our home because he loves it so much. He always makes his move when he thinks nobody is watching and usually moves it every hour or so like it’s stolen goods and the police are on his ass. It’s love.
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We’ve officially been parents for one week and it has been an exhausting but insanely fun few days. Leading up to getting Frank I was worried that maybe he wouldn’t live up to all the hype I had created in my mind about him. I mean, how could he, right? I’ve been obsessed with an imaginary French Bulldog named Frank for the last three years. Thankfully he is even more fabulous than I imagined. He’s constantly making me laugh, well, except when he shits next to my bed. I mean, what an asshole, right? Despite that, I’m still madly in love with him. I actually miss him when he sleeps. True story. He has a million nicknames already…Frankie, Frankster, Frankles, Smoosh, The Franknater, nugget. I mostly call him smoosh though. It suits him.