Tag Archives: fear

project 30 – tobi

18 Sep

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Tobi, 30 / Hunting 4 Bliss

What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

You are just where you need to be. Stop worrying about getting your shit together—it’s a process and this is just one small step of your journey. Be kind to yourself.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

Only one thing, because I was far too serious…I wish I would have taken my bachelor’s degree more seriously. I studied Spanish because I wanted to travel, and I love language, but the degree is almost completely useless to me.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

Literally, everything, from my love life, to myself, to what others thought of me.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

Traveling with my husband, Matt. My favorite trip was to Uganda, where we drove a 4×4 and camped for three weeks. It was dirty, beautiful, challenging, magical…ah, it was bliss!

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I was studying Spanish and my goal was to teach English abroad. At times I thought I would have a few kids and be staying at home, which seemed more realistic than the adventurous traveling life.

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

I feel like I got the best of both worlds. While I haven’t taught English abroad or thrived in a career, I have had the opportunity to continue my education, work, start a family, and to travel. I’m currently married to the best guy in the world, working on a Master’s degree in mental health, doing makeup artistry part time, and growing twin babies (coming in December)! Life is way better than I could’ve imagined in my early twenties.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

As much as I try to fight the fear, I still worry a lot! I wish I didn’t, but it’s sort of in my nature. These days I mostly about finances and finishing school with twins, but somewhere inside I know that it will most definitely fall into place. The key is not trying to control every outcome and accepting the fear and uncertainty.

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

I’m fairly new to my thirties, so I’m not exactly sure what the greatest gift will be. So far I would have to say that it’s the confidence, grace, and direction that I did not have going in to my twenties.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

I hope to be healthy, grounded, and at peace with wherever I’m at. If we must get technical, I hope to have my own private counseling practice, working with various feminine issues. I want to be a good wife and mom with well-adjusted kids and a happy hubby.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

I’m such a quote/mantra junkie, so this is hard! I’ve narrowed it down to three.

“Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors where there were only walls.” ~Joseph Campbell

“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” ~Joseph Campbell

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

connect with Tobi : blog 

 

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9 Sep

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I woke up at four in the morning today and not because I wanted to. Sometimes I don’t even realize that i’m even stressed or overwhelmed until the quiet of the night finds me. When I wake up in the dark silence of my bed and my head won’t stop running through fears, stresses, concerns and regrets. This morning I was filled with thoughts about money stresses (ones that haven’t even happened yet but what if? You know?), wedding stresses (will this day actually go smoothly?) and work stresses (mostly fears that certain things won’t turn out the way I wish and hope) Everything felt so mind numbingly overwhelming in that moment. I could feel my breath quicken.  My brows begin to furrow. I rolled over and placed my hand on Brian’s and listened to him breathe peacefully. I realized in that moment how grateful I am to have a life partner. It’s such a gift. A few years ago I remember waking up with some of those same scary thoughts running through my head in the dark of the night and feeling so alone in it all. No matter how scary the unknown feels sometimes having a partner to hold your hand through it makes such a difference. Even if he doesn’t know he’s holding your hand in that moment. It still counts.

When I finally rolled out of bed and to my computer to tackle some emails I received two emails that made me smile. Sometimes the universe knows how to remind you everything is indeed ok. Your are safe. Things are always working behind the scenes. And to Trust. Stay in the flow.

One was from a new friend and it read…

“Hope the wedding countdown isn’t making you too crazy. Two days before my wedding I woke up to find that in my sleep I had submersed my cell phone in a cup of tea on my nightstand. I hadn’t backed it up in almost a year!!!! I knew then that it was a message to myself that I just needed to LET GO. I had all these expectations of what the week before my wedding should look & feel like and I realized that I needed to stop trying to make everything fit those ideals. I was holding the week hostage & the moment I let that go I allowed the spontaneous beauty of chaos to take me on a great adventure that was so much more real & vivid than anything I could have ever planned. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was rooted in truth & unconditional love…. and isn’t that just what marriage is all about?!!”
Seriously, it’s like she knew I needed to hear exactly that. Thank you, B.
The other was my morning wake up email from The Universe and it read…
Kate, when it comes to pursuing the life of your dreams, you can look at it like this:Best case scenario… the sun, the moon, and the stars. Worst case scenario… the sun, the moon, and the stars.Tallyho,
The Universe
Grateful for the simple reminders today.

177

12 Jan

My head has been a bit of a crazy place this week. I have wanted to do exactly what the dog in the picture above is doing – bury my head and hide. I actually did climb in bed a few times and bury my head under pillows just to get some silence. It’s not really a helpful response to overstimulation. I am working on this. You see a funny thing has happened recently…as my readership has grown so has my need/want to please. I’ve grown to care so much for readers I don’t even know. I want to make them happy and inspire them and amuse them and confide in them and be honest with them…I want to do it all everyday. Kinda impossible huh?

Over the last month or so I have received lots of blog input. Which I love getting by the way so please don’t stop! But it’s been a funny experience because everyone has an opinion and everybody has a favorite kind of 365 post- a different reason they read it everyday. Some like the funny…some like the serious…some like the buddhist ones..some love imaginary Frank…some HATE imaginary Frank…some are totally bored by my desire to drive across the USA…some LOVE the idea of driving across the USA so much so that they email me and ask to join…some people love the tango…some hate it…some people are obsessed with my goals…some not…some love reading about Brian…some wish I would stop sharing about Brian. I think you get the point right?

My favorite was when my father told me that “he misses my spiritual posts”. So sweet. I wouldn’t have thought he was my spiritual post target audience. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a spiritual guy but it’s not like I have ever found him meditating or anything. I said ” Well Dad it’s kinda hard to be spiritual on cue, somedays the world isn’t falling apart and my biggest concern is what to have for dinner.”

When I started 365 til 30 I promised myself that I would always write from an honest place, that I would take this year to really explore myself and the world around me. I don’t want to change that. I don’t want to edit myself or write to please others because then my readers aren’t getting the truth of the journey, not to mention I won’t be getting the truth of the journey either. That was the whole point of this year and this project. To live. To experience. To manifest. To fail. To enjoy the ride.

So I have come to the conclusion that while I may not please everyone everyday, I can promise you all that I will always be honest with you about what is swirling in my head that day even if it’s just the state of my hair.

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“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

 John Jakes

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(I love this song. Although it does seem to make the above post seem much more dramatic. HA)

192

28 Dec

TANGO

Dear Tango,

I am going to be honest with you, you have surprised me. After completing a week in silence at a Buddhist monastery cleaning toilets, I thought I had tackled myself. But, then I met you and surprise surprise there is something that can still rile me up. You happen to peel me like an onion. Loosing control in your steps proves hard for me and sometimes I get frustrated. You push me to step out of my comfort zone and shed light on my desire to control- of course that bothers me. While you have yet to totally quiet my crazy mind, deep in my heart I know that if I stick with you, you will. When I lose myself in your steps I feel a sense of freedom and joy. I have a sneaking suspicion that you will unlock something in me that I didn’t know was locked and that there is no mistake I choose to master you this year.

 Love, Kate

{All photos by One Part Gypsy}

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