Tag Archives: faith

project 30 – carlynn

9 Oct

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Carlynn, 33 / from the fabulous blog jjbegonia

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What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?

That everything is going to work out for the best, even if it feels like just the opposite sometimes. Keep the faith. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. The heart breaks will heal and give way to new loves, opportunities, and layers of you that never would have been revealed without them. Believe in yourself and the value you bring to this world. You are going to make a lot of mistakes, but you will learn from them, and they will help guide you to where you need to be. Practice gratitude. Be thankful when things have not turned out as planned, because there are so many better, brighter things in store. Tell people you love them, even if you know they might not say it back. And always be nice – to your friends, family, strangers, and most of all to yourself. You deserve to have everything you want in this life.

What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?

I wish I had taken my passions more seriously. I have always loved to “create” through cooking, decorating, photographing, styling, and writing, but it took me a long time to nurture those things. I always saw myself as weird because my interests were so different from most of my friends’ when we were in our early 20s especially, but I wish I could have reframed that or seen it as special, instead.

What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?

Work! Not that you should ever blow off your job, but I treated every one I had as the end-all-be-all and felt burnt out very early on. I missed important events, and time spent with the people I love, in the name of getting things done, which is ridiculous.

Favorite memory from your 20’s?

There are too many memories to choose from, but they all involve travel in some way. A trip to Jordan with one of my best friends that forced me to see so far outside of myself. A cooking class I took in Italy with another BFF, where we ate everything in sight, wandered through cobblestone streets, and shared drinks with dreamy Italian men. A school program in Switzerland that introduced me to the person I think of as my “soul sister” because I have never laughed so hard with or felt so connected to a person as I did/do to her. A camping excursion to Joshua Tree that stands out as being beautiful (I loved looking at the stars!) and funny, and strange in the best way possible. A last-minute weekend in Maine with my Mom and sister that was filled with bike rides, lobster, shopping, and Scrabble games. I could go on and on… !

In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?

I thought I would be married with children, and living in New York City, working at a magazine. At one point, I think I had said I wanted to be a Sportscaster and live in Paris, too. I mean…that first part makes no sense to me even now – especially since my sports knowledge is pretty limited – but Paris might still be nice!

And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?

Oh gosh, nothing at all like that! I was a mess! I was living in Santa Monica, working a job that was draining me, and feeling very alone. 30 was a hard year for me but I look back on it now, and I am really proud of the person I was then too because that was the point at which I decided I would never live like that again, and that I had to make some changes.

Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?

All of the time!

What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?

The greatest gift is in feeling as if I am the most “me” I have ever been. I have such a better understanding of what makes me happy and what I want and need, than I ever had in my 20s. I also feel so much more secure in showing that me to the world.

When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?

I hope that life is not too different from it is now. I want to “create” forever, in whatever form that takes. My sister and I always reference my “Big. White. Kitchen.” dream. I hope to have a home with a nice place to gather, that my {eventual} husband and I can fill with children, family and friends – and good food. That really is the ultimate for me.

What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?

“Trust the timing of your life”.

This is huge for me because I have zero patience. I want what I want when I want it : ) I have learned though that everything reveals itself at exactly the right time, and that the best thing you can do in any given moment is enjoy what you have in front of you.

XOXO

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connect with carlynn : blog / instagram / facebook / pinterest 

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attitude of gratitude

9 Sep

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image via

20 things I am grateful for recently…

1. Long talks with my girlfriend Chantal that leave me laughing so hard I’m crying

2. Sweet post-it notes that my husband leaves me to find around the house

3. Frank’s sweet disposition…he’s such a little love muffin

4. My girlfriend Taline…she really is like a sister to me and I always know she has my best interest at heart

5. White lilies that brighten up our kitchen

6. Rain in September

7. My girlfriend Ali is having a baby this month!

8. I am officially Kate Glodney now! After three painful hours at the social security office…viola! I’m currently practicing my new signature…I’ve found that capital G’s are hard

9. Seafood dinner with the Glodney’s

10. lazy Sunday evenings spent with my husband cooking a delicious pasta dish and watching the season finale of the leftovers (which I actually enjoyed…I wasn’t sure I even liked the show until the season finale)

11. The “old school rap” station on Pandora

12. Sunday morning yoga and brunch dates with new friends

13. Melissa for being one of my biggest cheerleaders

14. Jen Pastiloff for encouraging me to submit an essay for her soulful site

15. My faith

16. My health

17. The fact that summer is coming to a close (HA…have I mentioned how much I am looking forward to fall arriving?)

18. Bubble baths

19. Long morning walks with Frankie that clear my head

20. My sweet, complicated, happy, tiring & lovely life

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“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” – Fredrick Keonig

52

18 Sep

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Oh, change.

I’ve been trying to find my balance amidst all the change this year has brought me. Somedays successfully…and others…well, not so much. I’ve always found that I have a hard time with change. Which is surprising to me because my life always seems to be full of change. Almost as if I seek out the very thing that is hard for me to deal with. Last week my therapist asked me a very interesting question…”how do you think you’re going to feel after you are married?” Huh, I hadn’t really thought about that. All I have thought about is how I feel now. The pure excitement I feel about becoming Bri’s wife. I recalled a few different responses some of my friends  have had after the big day…one felt claustrophobic…one felt let down and a little depressed after the high of the day was over…one said she had never felt better. How would I feel? I didn’t really know.

I sat there thinking about how I thought I would feel and then I remembered the last big change in my life and how I reacted.

Ruh-Ruh…I thought

Seven months ago we bought and moved into our beautiful new loft. A loft that I swear looks exactly like every home image on my vision board. Finding out we got it was one of the most exciting moments. I just couldn’t believe it was going to be ours. I was overcome with gratitude and felt like we were the luckiest people alive. Not to mention I was dying to get out of our miniature and rundown bungalow by the beach. I hated that place and complained about it on a daily basis. It was tiny (I literally had to move Brian’s surfboards every time I needed to get in the fridge), there was no dishwasher (and the sink would back up all the time), little closet space (clothes would fall on my head each time I opened the closet), had no heat (we seriously froze in the winter!) and only one parking space. ( I collected many parking tickets during this time)

I was ready to get the hell out of there. I was so excited in fact I started packing up our place a month ahead of schedule.

But after we moved into our new home my excitement popped like a balloon. Suddenly, I felt depressed. I felt discombobulated. I felt isolated. I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of it. I just didn’t feel like myself. I actually cried for a few days because I missed our old crappy little bungalow by the beach. I missed having to huddle around the wall heater in the bathroom brushing our teeth in the morning.  I missed the cozy holidays we spent there with our Christmas tree taking over the whole living room. I missed the view we had of the park from our windows. I missed cooking dinner with Brian in our tiny kitchen. I fondly remembered the time my heel went through the hard wood floor because of the termites. I remembered laughing so hard we cried because we could hear our neighbor do…well, everything through our paper-thin walls. I missed that bungalow so much that I wanted to be transported back. It was rickety and old but it was oh, so sweet, and filled with charm. Our life felt really simple while we lived there and I’ve come to learn I really like simple.

I felt crazy admitting my feelings to anyone because I thought that they made me sound ungrateful (I mean, who was I to complain??) and I hate seeming ungrateful because I try consciously to operate from a place of gratitude every day. But, as hard as I tried I just couldn’t shake it. I felt depressed. I remember calling my mom and asking, “Why do I feel this way when I am so blessed and lucky? I got exactly what I wanted. What’s wrong with me?”

Many moons have passed since that time and now I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I get home everyday and look around our home with a smile on my face.

I’ve learned that change is hard for me. Even fabulous and exciting change. Even change  that I want badly and work hard to create. Growing up and taking on new responsibilities is hard.

But, I wouldn’t change any of it. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am excited. Actually, I’m excited for all the next steps that this life may bring, even if they make my cry for a few days.

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“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” – Anatole France

reflections.

20 Feb

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“The physical body is at work every moment, an array of mechanisms with a brilliance of design and efficiency our human efforts have never begun to match. Our hearts beat, our lungs breathe, our ears hear, our hair grows. And we don’t have to make them work- they just do. Planets revolve around the sun, seeds become flowers, embryos become babies, and with no help from us. Their movement is built into a natural system. You and I are integral parts of that system, too. We can let our lives be directed by the same force that makes flowers grow- or we can do it ourselves.

To trust the force that moves the universe is faith. Faith isn’t blind, it’s visionary. Faith is believing that the universe is on our side, and that the universe knows what it’s doing. Faith is a psychological awareness of an unfolding force for good, constantly at work in all dimensions. Our attempts to direct this force only interferes with it. Our willingness to relax into it allows it to work on our behalf.”

– excerpt from “A Return To Love” by Marianne Williamson

Attitude of gratitude

30 Aug

Fact: I am a goal orientated person (maybe this is clear considering I write a blog about conquering goals) and I like to “make sh*t happen”. I also happen to think I know exactly how things should unfold, and when stuff doesn’t go according to my grand plan,I get a little, well, frustrated. Ok, maybe I get a little mad and I hate being mad.

Because being mad at the universe is soooooo missing the point, right? It is also a very slippery slope for me- I mean, I almost had a meltdown this week at the nail salon because my massage chair was broken (I guess I was really looking forward to it).

I felt like the universe was against me!

When I start to feel all bent out of shape because I am not getting what I think I deserve, I call upon the “other” part of me- the part of me that knows deep down that everything is indeed unfolding as it should. When I look back at my life so far, everything has always unfolded perfectly…even when I couldn’t see it while I was in it.

I was telling my friend, Rachel, all about how I was feeling before we went to a yoga class Tuesday night and she shared this quote with me…

“Praying for a specific outcome implies uncertainty, praying for the highest good implies faith”- Gabrielle Bernstein

So I am going to trust the process, enjoy the ride and stay present.

When I start to feel this way I also like to write a list of things I am grateful for because..gratitude turns what we have into enough.

Grateful List 8/30/12

I am grateful for the love of a man I admire, adore and love. A man who is a true partner to me in every sense.

I am grateful for my family- they are so incredibly supportive and loving.

I am grateful for all the women in my life, my dear sweet friends who challenge me and make me laugh

I am grateful for all the opportunities this blog has brought into my life

I am grateful for my living space 2 blocks from the beach

I am grateful that I find inspiration and joy in the little things

I am grateful for every little, crooked, backwards, happy, joyful, lesson filled path that I have walked down so far in this life

I am grateful I call myself a writer now

I am grateful for white dahlias

I am grateful for my health

I am grateful to be able to take a yoga class everyday if I want to (even if I don’t)

I am grateful to be going to Nepal in November

I am grateful I find humor in so many things

I am grateful for my blessings

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“Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude.” – Joseph Wood Krutch

252

29 Oct

What a crazy couple of days I have had! It’s been one strange phone call after the next. A bit surreal to tell you the truth. I had one of my goals actualize (contribute to one of my favorite websites in a big exciting way) only to have the trip get postponed a few days later! Such as life I guess. Isn’t there some quote that says God laughs at you when you make plans? Well, I bet he’s totally laughing right about now. I guess I will see how the next couple of weeks pan out and what adventure lies ahead for me.  I’m sure there is some special lesson for me here about patience and faith. Blah Blah Blah. But, for the moment I will put all my energy into being the very best fried egg I can be tonight. That was an odd segue huh? Brian and I are going to a Halloween party tonight and we are going to be bacon and eggs! Totally ridiculous yes but we thought it would be a perfect couples costume considering my love of eggs and his love of bacon. I’m sure I will be the only girl not dressed as a sexy “something” and instead as a large fried egg. But, I will be the most comfortable girl!!!

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“If you just go with the flow, no matter what weird things happen along the way, you always end up exactly where you belong.”
Tom Upton