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fall / winter 2015

9 Sep

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(image found via pinterest)

With 2015 nearing to a close…I know, I know, we still have four full months, but once September hits I can’t help but reflect on how I want the year to wrap up. September – December always seems to fly by and I find myself surprised every year on January 1st- it almost seems impossible that we are there again. The next four months also happen to be my absolute favorite time of year- I find myself most creatively alive during this time. I also love everything to do with the holidays and what they represent- family dinners, our wedding anniversary, carving pumpkins, dressing Frankie up for Halloween, cooking, warmth, bundling up, decorating trees, cuddling & new beginnings.

The last eight months have been an introspective time for me. Rather than exploring the world around me, as I usually do, I have been instead making the journey within. I knew at the start of 2015 that something was off.  I had baggage that I still hadn’t worked through and I was dragging it around with me. I couldn’t hide from it anymore. It was time to do the hard work, even if that meant that other things had to be put on the back burner. Something very hard for a person who desires immediate results like me to come to terms with. Instead I had to trust the process. It reminded me of that quote by Zora Neale Hurston –  “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” Thus far this year has most definitely been asking me some questions. Ones that needed answering and ones that positively shifted something in me once I did. I feel empowered and for that I am incredibly grateful.

Life man, such a wild ride sometimes, right?

When reflecting about how I want the next few months to unfold, it was clear to me that I want them to feed my soul, creative mind, relationships, home & belly. I want to soak in every bit of goodness that 2015 has left to offer me. I have a feeling the next four months will bring an entirely different energy than the first eight did and I am ready for that new energy.

Some of the ways I would like to spend the next few months…

Deepening my meditation practice. I know I have only been scratching at the surface and I am feeling a pull towards more. In addition to developing a stronger home practice I want to explore Unplug Meditation, Against The Stream & Shambhala Center.

Reading! There are fifteen (I might be setting myself up for failure on this one) books I would love to read before the end of the year. I’ll share them in a later post.

Cooking- I plan on spending some quality time in the kitchen! Again, there is something about fall and winter that inspire me to want to cook. I love hearty recipes and the feeling of warmth that comes from the kitchen this time of year.

I would love to put a small dinner party together in our home each month to bring our family and friends together. I want to make a point to enjoy the ones that matter most in my life. I also love to entertain.

I want to finish a few work projects that have been on the back burner for many many many months. As I mentioned previously, I put some things on the back burner to focus on me and it’s time to dust them off. They involve getting two book proposals finished and ready to submit in the new year and revamping my personal website which has been in purgatory for the last six months.

Practicing yoga. I want to make my yoga practice more of a priority over the next few months. My love for it has been renewed recently and I would love to keep the love affair going. My body just feels so much more balanced when I am practicing regularly.

I would love to finally find a property for the business Brian and I have been building with a few partners this past year. I can’t wait to share about it in the new year! Granted we find a property and the ball gets moving.

My home life- one of the most important aspects of my life. It has been in an incredibly solid and fulfilling place and I want to continue to watch it grow.

*

There are years that ask questions and years that answer,

Years that

fall apart

and years that come together…

There are years that cry and years that laugh,

Years that wonder

And years that strike and clap and thunder.

. . .

Your job isn’t to know — not right now, not quite yet.

Your job is simply

to breathe,

to trust,

to rest

To know that it is all a part of the path —

The mystery and the clarity

The hardship and delight

The darkness and the light alike.

. . .

Dear One,

Haven’t you heard?

“This place where you are right now

God circled on a map for you.”

*

365 til 33

30 Jul

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If you’ve been following along with my blog since the beginning then you know that I come up with a list of goals to tackle each year. The first year,  365 til 30 my goals included driving across the USA, learning French, learning how to tango, going camping, spending a week at Tassajara, Learning how to cook, volunteering, getting a French bulldog & publishing my writing. I was pretty damn successful that year in accomplishing my goals. To the point of obsession actually. Accomplishing those goals before turning 30 was all I could think about for 365 days. Brian was very happy when that year was over. HA. Over the last few years I have continued to create a list of goals…doing so helps me focus on the things I want from my life…a framework if you will.

365 til…33!

Travel

Every year you can pretty much guarantee that one of my goals will be travel related. I am a travel nut! Seriously, why can’t I just travel the world and get paid for it? (Is anybody listening? I’m totally available if you want to pay me to travel) During 365 til 30 my travel goal was to drive across the country (check!)…during 365 til 31 my travel goal was an overseas trip (Brian and I went to Hong Kong and trekked Nepal!)…365 til 32 my travel goal was again an overseas trip but this time for our honeymoon (we took a month off and went to Vietnam and Bali) This year my travel goal is much simpler, all I want to do is take a road trip with Brian. I love road trippin’ with that man. Actually, it was on our first road trip together that I knew I loved him. We were only a month into dating when I asked him if he wanted to take a road trip to Santa Fe with me to visit my friend Chantal. He must have thought I was crazy. Who would want to sign up for that many hours in a car with a person you’ve only been dating a month? The answer to that question is ME! And him I guess Brian as well because he said yes. Luckily, it was a total success. This year I’m thinking a road trip from LA to Seattle. My ideal stops along the way would be….Big Sur, San Francisco, Ashland, Eugene, Portland, Olympia & Seattle.

Learn

This year I am dying to learn more about photography. For a girl who appreciates a beautiful photograph, it is a crying shame I can’t shoot one as well as I’d like to. Especially when it comes to this blog, I would love to post higher quality photographs. Well, I guess I do sometimes but sadly they are not shot by me and instead by my photographer husband. With that said, I will be signing my ass up for a photography class as well as making Brian teach me all his tricks. He even has an extra Canon Rebel camera waiting for me. Winning!

Writing

You can also pretty much guarantee that one of my goals each year will also have to do with writing. This year it is travel related. I want to publish my various travel (road trip, Hong Kong, Nepal, Vietnam & Bali) essays. Wish me luck!

Health 

I want to go vegetarian for a month. Ever since my gallbladder surgery a few months ago I have had the hardest time with my digestion. It’s been driving me crazy! I’ve decided that meat might be the culprit. This coming from an Irish gal who loves a good steak. Sigh. I thought what better time to test out vegetarianism then now! Oy…I’m scared. Any vegetarians out there want to offer some advice?

Home

Decorating our new home has been on hold for a bit now…between shelling out money for our wedding and honeymoon we have been neglecting our home. The space totally deserves more! I plan on decorating with the help of pinterest and my very talented interior designer mother. So here we go…one room at a time.

find me elsewhere:

instagram  @kate365 / facebook / twitter

around these parts…

16 Jan

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the above picture has nothing to do with this post- I was just compelled to share the cuteness with you all.

I could not be happier that the weekend is almost here. It’s been a bit of a blah week for me. Not for any specific reason..my head space has just been BLAH. I think I might finally be coming down from the high of the wedding. I didn’t really have a chance to mourn that it was over because we went straight into the excitement of the holidays. It was a joyful few months and I don’t think I was prepared for it all to end. I’m not saying that life can’t be joyful after the wedding…I’m just saying I’m a little sad it’s over.

Despite my blah mood, I was able to make some progress with a few of my goals this week.

I worked on a travel essay about our trip to Nepal, which I plan on submitting as soon as I finish it (hopefully this weekend).

Brian and I finally settled on our honeymoon destinations- Bali and Vietnam here we come. I just LOVE having a trip to look forward to.

I have my very first date with my little sister, Briana set up for this Sunday. I still have no idea what to do with her…must come up with something…soon.

We’ve also made a lot of progress with our home this week- we picked paint colors, met with a furniture builder and found two killer pieces at the rose bowl flea market this last weekend- a fabulous new turkish rug and mirror for the entryway. The mirror is currently white but I plan to paint it coral this weekend!

Other than the thrilling activity of painting the mirror coral this weekend…I plan to do a bit of cooking (paleo cauliflower soup), reading (finding your own north star), writing (travel essay), organizing (the clutter that has developed in our cabinets is crazy…I was almost killed by a falling juicer the other day) and taking a few walks on the beach with my pup and husband.

Hoping that I will have a little more umpf next week!

On another note…did you see the new header on the blog?! I love it. I just die over Frank’s regal pose. Thank you, One Part Gypsy for creating such a fabulous header for me.

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Find me elsewhere: instagram @kate365, twitter, facebook

let’s do this 2014

6 Jan

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My vision board for 2014 is finally done! It took me a bit longer than anticipated. I usually finish it in one day but this year I found myself more contemplative (is this a sign that I’m getting older?) about what I wanted on it. Since 2013 was focused on my home life…I hope 2014 can be a year focused on my career…and maybe 2015 the year of the baby? Brian just read that and probably lost his breath a bit. HA! I have so many career goals and I felt like they took a back seat this last year. I’m not complaining…I feel like some years have themes and everything ebbs and flows. But now I am raring to go. That doesn’t mean I want 2014 to be allllll about my career because that would be just plain boring. Life is so much more than just your career.

My 2014 goals…

TRAVEL / SOUTHEAST ASIA

I can’t imagine a year that I won’t put a travel goal on my list. I live and breathe travel. My life feels the most full when I am traveling. The first year I stared this blog my goal was to travel across the country and I did just that with my lovely girlfriend Rachel. It was a wild adventure…a wild adventure that had us sleeping in tepees…, getting chased by what we thought was a tornado…exploring haunted cemeteries in New Orleans…touring Graceland…and so much more…it was a month of bliss. I still think about that trip, often. Last year my goal was to travel overseas with Brian and we ended up heading to Asia…we explored Hong Kong and trekked the Himalayas in Nepal. That trip changed me. Seriously, it changed me. It opened my eyes and my heart in ways I hadn’t expected. I had never been to Asia prior to that trip and I fell in love…hard. The experience left me wanting more. So this year Brian and I are planning on taking our belated honeymoon through parts of southeast Asia. The four locations we are looking into are Thailand, Bali, Vietnam & Cambodia. Depending on many variables…we could end up going to one location or all four. I’m sure you can imagine I would love to go to all four but we will see!

VOLUNTEER / BIG SISTER

Last year one of my goals was to join the BBBS program and become a big sister. I was niave enough to think this would be a quick and simple process but, it is not. After submitting may application…it took months to hear back…than I had to go through background checks and interviews…once given the OK I had to wait until I was matched with the right child. I will say that I think it’s amazing how thorough they are. They give a lot of thought on which child to pair you with depending on your likes, dislikes & background. When I finally got a call saying they had a child in mind it was a few weeks before our wedding and I knew it would be irresponsible of me to take it on at that moment, considering my head was being pulled in a million directions. So I told them I would call back after the dust settled in December. When I finally did I went through an interview with the family…first the child alone (to see if she liked me)…then her parents (to see if they liked me) and then each of us sat down with a case worker to see if we all liked each other. I’m kinda thinking this is the future of dating, no? Seriously! In the end we ALL liked each other! PHEW. Starting this month Brianna, my new little sister (who happens to be the sweetest, cutest and most creative 13-year-old girl) and I start our bimonthly dates. I’m so excited and slightly nervous I won’t be able to come up with fun activities.

WRITING / MY BOOK

Oh, my book….my book…my book. It’s been on my brain for two years now. I wrote the book proposal many moons ago…then the first chapter…a chapter in which I’m pretty proud of. But the problem with books…they just don’t contain one chapter. Writing a book also take a lot of time and focus…two things which I seemed to have none of this last year. But I’ve finally arrived at a place in which I have both time (well other than my new commitment to watching every “Walking Dead” episode- I’m obsessed) and head-space to create. My goal is to have a finished manuscript by the end of the year that I am ready to submit.

PUBLISH / SIX ESSAYS

I am a huge fan of personal essays.  I love reading them in all the forms they come…short, long, funny, sad, depressing, uplifting- I love the insight they give into different people’s lives. Because of my interest I took a personal essay writing class with the incredibly talented Taffy Brodesser-Akner a few months ago and decided that I not only wanted to read personal essays but I also wanted to write them. So I’ve made it my goal to publish six essays this year. Wish me luck!

HOME / DECORATE

As many of you know we moved into our new home well, shit, almost a year ago and our office still looks like a bomb went off in it, we have no dining table & our walls are white. Try having people over for dinner without a dining table…dare you. I wasn’t aware of how far back we had fallen until our building hosted a loft tour for owners to show-off their units to other owners. You know…a fun way to meet neighbors and compare decorating tips. Clearly, I wasn’t stupid enough to sign our home up on the tour but I also wasn’t expecting to walk into units and feel like I was in the pages of Home Decor. Each unit felt wildly different and they were all beyond gorgeous. After the tour ended…I walked into our loft and I vowed I would change it…SOON. The funny thing is I love decorating- I find it so creatively full-filling. I blame our wedding for the fact that our house looks like we just moved in. I swear weddings…such time suckers! So now that the wedding is off our plates, I want to focus on finishing our home this year.

my motto this year:

“Your life shows up for you, when you show up for your life.” – Marianne Williamson

Find me elsewhere: instagram @kate365, twitter, facebook

2013

30 Dec

Did everyone survive Christmas? Kidding. But, it is a bit exhausting, huh? Ours was great. We did a lot of running around between all of our families, but I’m not complaining…problems of abundance, right? I’m grateful to have our families so close. We spent Christmas Eve at Brian’s parents house for a dinner they host each year. Actually, I learned this year that the tradition started forty years ago. Forty years! They always invite their core group of friends over for a night filled with a lot of laughter, good food and wine. This year Brian and I were trying to figure out if this was my third or fourth Christmas Eve spent at their house. We still don’t know! You’d think we would have been together ten years at this point.

This Christmas was our first year as husband and wife though and that made it feel extra special. I was thinking back to last years Christmas…Brian and I were newly engaged, had just returned from an epic trip to Nepal and were looking to buy our first place. We were high on life and possibility and 2013 did not disappoint. It was a year filled with abundance, growth annnnnd…challanges. We took on a lot this year and I definitely experienced some growing pains. I felt pulled in ways I haven’t before and I only imagine this intensifies as I grow. Some days I felt like I simply couldn’t manage it all and longed for a simpler time. But, I am so grateful for this last year because I’ve gotten everything I wanted. I look at last years vision board and I am wowed by how much has actualized. I have the kind of home that I used to only dream of. I have the puppy I would dream of. But, most importantly….I have the kind of husband that  they write about in fairy tales. Seriously, Brian is a everything I could have ever wanted. He’s my rock and my best friend and 2013 will forever be the year I became his wife. Actually when I look back at 2013 I see very clearly that there was a theme…my home life. While other years have been about my career…this year my home life took center stage.

We became a family this year…Brian, Frank & I.

A look back at 2013 through pictures…

packing up 313 Strand St

packing up our little apartment

moving into our new home!

moving into our new home!

locking down a wedding date

locking down a wedding date

finding my wedding gown

finding my wedding gown

dinner with my bro and Bri

dinner with my bro and Bri

Bri guy turns 31

Bri guy turns 31

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hosting a girls cocktail party at my house

hosting a girls cocktail party at my house

registering for wedding gifts!

registering for wedding gifts!

dinners with my Dad & Pamela

dinners with my Dad & Pamela

wedding cake tasting

wedding cake tasting

New York!

New York!

Ali's wedding

Ali’s wedding

engagement photos

engagement photos

finding our little boy!

Sedona

finding our little boy!

finding our little boy!

Alabama Hills

Alabama Hills

Franks first day home! (with his grandma:)

Franks first day home! (with his grandma:)

Franks first vet visit

Franks first vet visit

Happy 31st to moi!

Happy 31st to moi!

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growing pains

growing pains

bachelorette weekend

bachelorette weekend

tooooo much fun

tooooo much fun

my girls

my girls

this night will go down in history

this night will go down in history

go Frankie!!!

go Frankie!!!

enough said

enough said

and out the wedding invitations went!

and out the wedding invitations went!

babies!

babies!

wedding presents galore!

wedding presents galore!

packing for the wedding!

packing for the wedding!

night before the wedding!!

night before the wedding!!

wedding morning

wedding morning

hitched!

hitched!

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hahahah

it’s hard to pee in a wedding gown!

happy new year from the Glodney's

happy new year from the Glodney’s

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“All of us every single year, we’re a different person. I don’t think we’re the same person all our lives.”
Steven Spielberg

so…now what?

20 Nov

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The dust has settled. We are married and I don’t have to be stressed, consumed and focused on the wedding anymore. So…now what? HA. Seriously though, it’s a blessing to have the head space again for the rest of my life. I’m sure you all noticed I blogged much less leading up to the wedding. I also wrote less essays in general, stopped focusing on writing my book & finishing other work projects. I hit a serious wall. This year was magical for so many reasons. My life came together in so many ways- Brian and I got engaged, bought a house, traveled to Asia, planned a wedding, bought a puppy and got married. Can you say…exhausting? Neither of us felt like we had much head space for anything else other than getting through the day. Problems of abundance, I know. I’m not complaining in the least, I’m just saying it was a year focused on building my home life and not so much my career. But, now I am ready to throw myself back in head first. With everything I have. I missed writing and creating in general terribly. It definitely left a void in me. But, I felt tapped out and unable to connect to that part of me. So, I decided to go with the flow of life and let myself focus on other things. It was what it was and I knew in my heart it would come back at some point. Life is a long journey and everything ebbs and flows. I tried not to fight it. Well, that’s not entirely true….I did try to fight it and was being very hard on myself, but, with the help of my fabulous therapist I lightened up. I gave myself the freedom to enjoy what was and go with the flow. She also reminded me that sometimes the inspiration comes from living your life.

But, now the time has come to start working again and I am so ready. SO READY. I’m currently sitting at a cozy little coffee shop by my house with a day of writing ahead. And go!

* On a totally unrelated note: somebody please come to my home and take all the leftover wedding cake away from me. I must be stopped. 

find me elsewhere: instagram @kate365, twitter, facebook

61

9 Sep

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I woke up at four in the morning today and not because I wanted to. Sometimes I don’t even realize that i’m even stressed or overwhelmed until the quiet of the night finds me. When I wake up in the dark silence of my bed and my head won’t stop running through fears, stresses, concerns and regrets. This morning I was filled with thoughts about money stresses (ones that haven’t even happened yet but what if? You know?), wedding stresses (will this day actually go smoothly?) and work stresses (mostly fears that certain things won’t turn out the way I wish and hope) Everything felt so mind numbingly overwhelming in that moment. I could feel my breath quicken.  My brows begin to furrow. I rolled over and placed my hand on Brian’s and listened to him breathe peacefully. I realized in that moment how grateful I am to have a life partner. It’s such a gift. A few years ago I remember waking up with some of those same scary thoughts running through my head in the dark of the night and feeling so alone in it all. No matter how scary the unknown feels sometimes having a partner to hold your hand through it makes such a difference. Even if he doesn’t know he’s holding your hand in that moment. It still counts.

When I finally rolled out of bed and to my computer to tackle some emails I received two emails that made me smile. Sometimes the universe knows how to remind you everything is indeed ok. Your are safe. Things are always working behind the scenes. And to Trust. Stay in the flow.

One was from a new friend and it read…

“Hope the wedding countdown isn’t making you too crazy. Two days before my wedding I woke up to find that in my sleep I had submersed my cell phone in a cup of tea on my nightstand. I hadn’t backed it up in almost a year!!!! I knew then that it was a message to myself that I just needed to LET GO. I had all these expectations of what the week before my wedding should look & feel like and I realized that I needed to stop trying to make everything fit those ideals. I was holding the week hostage & the moment I let that go I allowed the spontaneous beauty of chaos to take me on a great adventure that was so much more real & vivid than anything I could have ever planned. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was rooted in truth & unconditional love…. and isn’t that just what marriage is all about?!!”
Seriously, it’s like she knew I needed to hear exactly that. Thank you, B.
The other was my morning wake up email from The Universe and it read…
Kate, when it comes to pursuing the life of your dreams, you can look at it like this:Best case scenario… the sun, the moon, and the stars. Worst case scenario… the sun, the moon, and the stars.Tallyho,
The Universe
Grateful for the simple reminders today.

inspiration, gratitude & surprises

29 Mar

dance

This weekend is packed but it should be a fun one! Tonight my girlfriend, Taline is coming over for a night of food, wine, wedding talk (she’s also my maid of honor), tv and hanging. We are both in need of some quality time together. Tomorrow I finally start ballet classes. I’m reaaaaaally excited and slightly nervous I’ll make a fool of myself. It’s been twelve years since I’ve danced. Like riding a bike, right? That reminds me I have to buy ballet shoes this afternoon! After class I’m stopping over at my gorgeous cousins house for an afternoon glass of wine to celebrate her birthday. Then Brian and I are meeting our dinner club crew, Rachel & PJ and Loni & Mike for a night out on the town. For those of you who don’t know, once a month we pick a new restaurant to all go to. This month we picked Mercado, a mexican style restaurant in Santa Monica. Having dinner with this crew is something I look forward to every month! Then Sunday we are off to an easter brunch with Brian’s family and in the evening we are hosting a birthday party for my step-father, Irv.

What are you guys doing this weekend??

What inspired me this week?

What To Learn From A 6 Year Old Who Has Autism

You Don’t Have To Be Anything But Real 

our bright new garden plants. Lavender in lime green planters is quite a brilliant combo.

What am I grateful for this week?

I had my first essay published on MindBodyGreen! I can officially say I am “published” now.

a date night with two lovely ladies Katie & Erin. A dinner filled with inspiring talks about writing, being authentic, love and traveling.

hanging with my girlfriend Melissa. To say that I adore her would be an understatement.

the wedding is coming together!

What surprised me this week?

being referred to as a Glodney

How many people continue to respond to my piece about anxiety. It’s incredible how many people suffer with it on different levels.

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“I do believe in an everyday sort of magic- the inexplicable connectedness we sometimes experience with places, people, works of art and the like; the eerie appropriateness of moments of synchronicity; the whispered voice, the hidden presence, when we think we’re alone.”  – Charles De Lint

check-in

7 Mar

When I originally started this blog a year and a half ago, it was ALL about accomplishing my goals. My obsession with it was actually verging on insane! I was NOT going to turn 30 without accomplishing all of them.

While it is still is a blog about setting goals and making them happen, it has also become a blog about everything that happens in between! All the lovely moments that make up my life.

The other day it dawned on me though…holy shit I am more than half-way through my 30th year?!!?!? WHAT!? Seriously? WHAT?! I’m going to be 31 in four months?!?! With this daunting realization I thought it would be a good time to check-in with myself on my progress with the goals for the year….

– Overseas trip (CHECK!)

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When I put overseas trip on my list I had no idea where we would end up traveling. I just knew I needed to get out of the states and go on an adventure with Brian. We settled on Hong Kong and Nepal and I am so grateful that we did because what an adventure we had!! If you haven’t read about our trip you can below!

Big news / the travel doctor / the toe  / Hong Kong 1 / Hong Kong 2 / Arriving in Nepal / Kathmandu / Patan / the monkey temple / Bhaktapur / trekking: the group / trekking: the water buffalo / trekking: the starry night.

more posts still to come…

– Volunteer as a big sister

I made a bit of progress with this right out of the gate, settling on the organization I wanted to work with and filling out the paperwork. Then the strangest thing happened…I did nothing after that. Life got in the way and I’ve had my application folded up in my date book ever since. But, the good news is I plan on sending it in this weekend once we finally set up our printer and fax! Fingers crossed that they think I am a suitable candidate to be a big sister.

– Artist dates (CHECK!) 

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I haven’t done as many of these as I would like but I have started them! You can read about them here, here and here

– New living space (CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!)

home

As much as I loved our little bungalow by the beach I wanted to move on because I couldn’t stand sharing a miniature closet with Brian anymore. That and the kitchen drove me nuts- the oven didn’t work for most of the time I lived there.  Let’s just say it was the perfect bachelor pad!

I was ready for us to have a space we could grow in. So I put this one the list thinking we would just rent another slightly bigger apartment by the beach. But sometimes the universe has bigger plans for you! Because we ending up finding a loft that we loved, made an offer, beat out seven other offers and now have a new home to build a life in. High five, Universe!

– Get a French Bulldog

Frank : inspiration photo

Frank : inspiration photo

We couldn’t get Franck until we moved but now that we have  it’s time to find our little boy and bring him home! I’m thinking we still need to settle in our new home a little bit more before we add a puppy to the mix. Soooo, maybe July? Maybe as a 31st birthday gift to myself!

– Publish my writing 

I work towards this goal everyday with my book agent. But alas I have not snagged the right book deal yet. Maybe in the meantime I should focus on publishing my writing other places. Do any of you have any fabulous leads?!

– Ballet classes 

I start a 6-week course at Align Ballet March 30th!! So very excited to get back to the barre. Posts about the experience coming soon!

– Yoga retreat (CHECK!!)

yoga

Awwwww what a magical weekend that was. In three short days I had some major breakthroughs, adopted the motto “Be Fucking Amazing!“, laughed more than I thought possible and met two lovely ladies whom I now call dear friends. Oh, and came home to a surprise engagement!!!

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Speaking of engagements, let’s be honest, I wanted to put “get engaged” on my list of goals for the year but didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment! I also thought it would be slightly awkward to put such a thing on a public goal list. But it was on my secret list! So check that one off too!

What an interesting, life changing and fun eight months it’s been!

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
C. S. Lewis

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this piece of writing made my heart stretch

4 Oct

I am in awe of Cheryl Strayed’s writing. I find it so raw, honest and human. She’s so brave in her choices as a writer and it opens something up in me. After finishing her memoir “Wild“, I ran to the bookstore to buy another book of hers, entitled “Tiny Beautiful Things“. It’s a compilation of her Dear Sugar posts which was an advice column she wrote on Rumpus. Before reading this book, I thought “advice columns” were silly.  But her column blows my mind. She has an uncanny ability to read between the lines of a question. Her responses are so thoughtful, deep and soulful. She’s also not afraid to share herself and the result is exquisite.

I devoured “Tiny Beautiful Things” on the plane heading back to LA on Monday. Each post awakened something different in me and made me feel closer to humanity. But the last post made me laugh and cry and it brought me to my knees. I wanted to share it with you because it may be my favorite piece of writing ever.

……….

Dear Sugar,

I read your column religiously. I’m twenty-two. From what I can tell by your writing, you’re in your early forties. My question is short and sweet: What would you tell your twentysomething self if you could talk to her now?

Love,

Seeking Wisdom

………

Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

In the middle of the night in the middle of your twenties when your best friend crawls naked into your bed, straddles you, and says, You should run away from me before I devour you, believe her.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.

When that really sweet but fucked up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do Ecstacy with them, say no.

There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.

One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn’t have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You just don’t know it yet.

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold one really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin, you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus with holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naive pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry  and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave your under arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.

Say thank you.

Yours,

Sugar