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48

21 May

I woke up this morning to this note from the universe and it could not have been more perfect considering I am 48 days away from turning 30 and my crazy journey is coming to an end.

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The very best moment in any long journey that makes your dreams come true, Kate, comes not on the day you realize they have, but on the day you realize how little they matter compared to loving the adventure they’ve inspired. 

Don’t ask me why, I just know what I know – 
    The Universe

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92

7 Apr

We shot a 365 til 30 promo piece yesterday and it was so much fun to see the project and goals come alive in video! Here’s a sneak peek…

I’m off to Costco to get road trip supplies which should be a really fun place on a Saturday!

116- I think the tango and I have broken up…

14 Mar

 I have a confession…I am a tango school drop-out. Well, I guess I haven’t officially dropped out just yet, but man, this isn’t looking good. I skipped class Monday night and to tell you the truth, I didn’t even feel bad about it. I simply don’t like the tango! Actually, let me rephrase that because that’s not entirely true. I love watching other people dance the tango. I love the way their bodies move together..I love the look in their eyes as they glide through the steps effortlessly…oh, and of course, I love the passion! I find it all so incredibly sexy and captivating. I, too, wanted to do what they did and that is why I originally picked the tango as something I wanted to master this year. But when I dance the tango, it all looks…well, it all looks terribly different. Maybe if I lived and breathed the tango I could one day achieve some sort of success but I don’t. I don’t live and breathe it. Do you hate me?

It wasn’t until Brian got home from work that I realized I felt a little bad about skipping class. When he asked why I wasn’t at my tango class, I put my head down and whispered, “I didn’t want to go”. I hated saying it but once I said it, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest and then I kinda wanted to skip around and scream with delight…”I didn’t want to go because I hate tango class!!!” How nice to allow myself the freedom to hate something! I have spent too many years pretending I like certain things, certain people and certain ideas because I don’t want to offend and/or disappoint. So I have decided at 116 days til 30 that I’m done doing that- Life is too damn short to be filling my day with stuff that isn’t enjoyable, stimulating and worth it to me. So what that I thought I would like it…I don’t. What’s the big deal if I don’t like something?? I like lots and lots of other things!

You know what I did instead of going to my tango class?? I made a lovely dinner with the man I love, talked about his upcoming photography exhibit and stayed up very late working on my upcoming road trip across the USA!!! I could spend ALL DAY, EVERY DAY working on the road trip…every little detail gets me excited! It brings me lots and lots and lots of joy and I think that was the point of starting 365 til 30.

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“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”

Joseph Capmbell

138

21 Feb

Coming off yesterday’s post, I am sure this will NOT come as a surprise to you- I have hit a bit of a midlife crisis with 365 til 30. Or, as Maggi, my life coach so kindly put it- “I think 365 til 30 is starting to run you now, instead of you running it”. Ouch. What a painful thing to hear but so true. The ten goals that gave me SOOOOO much joy 6 months ago have started to feel like chores- totally not the point of this project! Maggi has urged me to remember why I originally wanted to accomplish these goals and to focus on the joy and excitement the thought of experiencing them brought me.

 When I started 365 til 30 six months ago,  I was off and running right out of the gate. Full of excitement and wonder, I happily embarked on the adventure of camping and Tassajara. After accomplishing them I moved onto my other goals for the year- learn to cook, master the tango, speak French fluently, work with my favorite websites, publish my writing (I have a book proposal floating around at a publisher…fingers crossed) and volunteer. I have realized these goals are less finite and instead are an ongoing process. I am constantly tending to them.

The last two goals…Drive Across the USA (which I am in the process of planning for April) and getting Frank, my French Bulldog (which will happen when we move) are goals that I am still working towards. With the road trip fast approaching I happen to think about it all the time. I am DYING with excitement to drive across the USA with my girlfriend Rachel– she is the perfect friend to do this with and equally excited! This goal has always been one of my favorites on the list because it’s something I have dreamed of doing since I was little girl and I can’t believe I’m finally going to do it! As the trip approaches though I have started to feel a bit anxious about it. When I put it on the list I always wondered how I would take the time off to do it right. It’s not like it’s ever really convenient to leave your life for 3-4 weeks…work and money are valid concerns. My remedy for the fear is to remember the joy the idea of accomplishing it brings me and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

With so much on my plate I decided I needed a focused plan towards finding the joy in the goals again.

I start another round of tango classes on Monday the 27th for 6 weeks and I will not skip one class…not one!

I will find one new exciting dish a week to learn! (last night it was fish provencal! It was soooooooooo gooooood- post coming!)

I will continue my volunteer work at PATH once a week.

I will spend 4 hours a week practicing my French in preparation for my trip to Paris in July!!!

I will finalize all the details for our road trip from a joyful place instead of an anxious place so that we are ready to embark on the journey in April!!

I will stay positive and grateful about the fact that my book proposal is floating around  in the world instead of anxious.

I will re-stratagize my approach for working with Take Part and Explore- I have had sooooo many meetings with both of them and feel like the timing has been off…but maybe I need to re-think my approach.

I will commit to weekly sessions with Maggi starting this week. It doesn’t matter how busy I am! They will be a priority because they always keep me focused, calm, joyful and on-track.

Oh, and most importantly, I will commit to being grateful and enjoy the process….otherwise what the hell is the point right??!

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Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Anais Nin

144

15 Feb


“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.”

Buddha

175

14 Jan

177

12 Jan

My head has been a bit of a crazy place this week. I have wanted to do exactly what the dog in the picture above is doing – bury my head and hide. I actually did climb in bed a few times and bury my head under pillows just to get some silence. It’s not really a helpful response to overstimulation. I am working on this. You see a funny thing has happened recently…as my readership has grown so has my need/want to please. I’ve grown to care so much for readers I don’t even know. I want to make them happy and inspire them and amuse them and confide in them and be honest with them…I want to do it all everyday. Kinda impossible huh?

Over the last month or so I have received lots of blog input. Which I love getting by the way so please don’t stop! But it’s been a funny experience because everyone has an opinion and everybody has a favorite kind of 365 post- a different reason they read it everyday. Some like the funny…some like the serious…some like the buddhist ones..some love imaginary Frank…some HATE imaginary Frank…some are totally bored by my desire to drive across the USA…some LOVE the idea of driving across the USA so much so that they email me and ask to join…some people love the tango…some hate it…some people are obsessed with my goals…some not…some love reading about Brian…some wish I would stop sharing about Brian. I think you get the point right?

My favorite was when my father told me that “he misses my spiritual posts”. So sweet. I wouldn’t have thought he was my spiritual post target audience. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a spiritual guy but it’s not like I have ever found him meditating or anything. I said ” Well Dad it’s kinda hard to be spiritual on cue, somedays the world isn’t falling apart and my biggest concern is what to have for dinner.”

When I started 365 til 30 I promised myself that I would always write from an honest place, that I would take this year to really explore myself and the world around me. I don’t want to change that. I don’t want to edit myself or write to please others because then my readers aren’t getting the truth of the journey, not to mention I won’t be getting the truth of the journey either. That was the whole point of this year and this project. To live. To experience. To manifest. To fail. To enjoy the ride.

So I have come to the conclusion that while I may not please everyone everyday, I can promise you all that I will always be honest with you about what is swirling in my head that day even if it’s just the state of my hair.

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“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

 John Jakes

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(I love this song. Although it does seem to make the above post seem much more dramatic. HA)