What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?
I used to think I would want to tell her it gets better but now that it actually has gotten better I realize I wouldn’t want her to change any of her emotionally extreme or indulgent ways. I spent a good part of my 20’s heartbroken and lovesick. Whether I was getting over a break up or deeply falling in love with someone I always felt heartbroken. In retrospect I know that I had to work through a lot of emotions and traumas. Karmically I was attracted to certain people who allowed me to work through those emotions and come to a deeper understanding of myself which ultimately allowed me to truly love myself. So I think if I were to go back and tell that innocent lovesick girl that it gets better, firstly she wouldn’t believe me and even if she did I wouldn’t want to take any of the pain away from her because it allowed me to become who I am today. So with all that said I think I would tell her to travel more and write in her journal everyday and not just when it suited her.
What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?
I wish I had saved more money and learned the value of saving and not spending. It’s still something I’m working on. I also wish I had developed a more serious workout regime when my body was more willing to adapt.
What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?
I might have said heartbreak at one point but now I wouldn’t give that up for anything. I did take myself and my work very seriously then and I still do now but I think it gave me the drive to accomplish what I did, so I guess I don’t have any regrets when it comes to that.
Favorite memory from your 20’s?
Walking around the streets of St. Petersburg Russia in the dead of winter while trying to get over a broken heart. I know it sounds morbid but it was a really beautiful time in my life and having that kind of really pure solitude allowed me to learn how to be my own best friend. It was an extraordinary adventure.
In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?
I thought I would be living in New York city happily married with 2 kids making films and playing music. I’m still doing writing, directing, acting and playing music but I’m in Los Angeles and waiting for the day when I can make a living solely from my work.
Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?
I still am but the worry is less angst ridden and more fueled by patience, passion and gratitude. I have learned to appreciate and love where I am even though I am still working on fulfilling all of my dreams. Some days I do feel overwhelmed that I’m not where I want to be and I have to be vigilante about correcting that and being grateful for where I am and all the dreams I have already fulfilled.
What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?
Self love and self-knowledge. In my 20’s I had to go through a lot of heartache to understand the importance of self-love. Once I learned how to love and understand myself I no longer felt that I had to hold onto things and people that were no longer working for me or supporting my journey. The things and decisions I used to obsess over in my 20’s are now for the most part easy to include or eliminate in my life now and I’m very grateful for that clarity and wisdom.
When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?
By 40 I want to have a beautiful home of my dreams living with Blake (currently my fiance). We will have at least 2 children and we will both be thriving in our careers. I will be making films and TV shows as a writer, director and actress and Blake will be making his music and producing for other artists as well as thriving as a visual artist. We will have a garden where we will grow all of our produce and herbs and at night our children will walk barefoot into our garden to collect the fixings for our dinner. We will also have an incredible music studio where we will record our music. Together as a family we will travel the world and experience other cultures and languages and we will always be involved with making the world a better place through art and our humanitarian work.
What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?
“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” – Anne Frank
The first time I ever read this quote I was living in New York city and was walking around the upper east side where I was currently living. It was Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) and someone was holding up a big sign that had Anne Frank’s image featured prominently with this quote below it. I saw it and immediately burst into hysterical tears. If someone like Anne Frank could say something so profound, insightful and hopeful than we can all follow suit. I don’t believe people are born evil but they can be taught, which means that evolutionarily speaking they can be untaught. Treating all people with love, kindness and compassion is one way I can contribute daily to making this world a better place and I make it my mandate to do it everyday even if and especially when someone else is unkind to me.