This past Saturday I went to my first yoga class since my mini surgery a few weeks ago. Honestly, I’m not sure if I was technically “ready” to get back to working out but seriously I HAD to. I was so sick of being stagnant! I’ve also been missing the calm that my yoga practice gives me and considering I have been in a F-ing storm recently…I was craving the calm. Clearly, Brian (my loving and super cautious husband) did not think going to a yoga class with incisions on my belly was a smart idea but I assured him that I would mostly go just to “stretch”. It all got very dramatic…I even draped my hand over my forehead and said, ” If I don’t go to yoga, I WILL DIE”. So, I went to yoga Saturday morning.
The minute I walked in, I was overwhelmed with negative thoughts….maybe I’m not ready to get back?…what if I make a fool of myself because I actually can’t do this?….what if I hurt myself??? But, I kept walking up the stairs because my heart needed it.
When I saw the teacher, Audra, I immediately informed her of my situation. She kindly listened and with a big, loving and gracious smile said…”trust your gut, literally!” Such a simple reminder but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven’t been trusting my gut recently- sadly, I’ve been silencing it. Over the last few weeks I’ve been delivered many blows and I think I could have avoided a few of them if I just listened to my gut.
I knew the minute my gallbladder attack hit that it had to come out. I KNEW IT IN MY BONES. But, instead I smiled, listened to the doctors, took the vicodin prescription, went home and planned for my best friends bachelorette party (It came out in emergency surgery a week later). During recent arguments I have silenced what I know to be my truth in hopes that I wouldn’t offend. (Never good). Recently, I have lost a few big accounts (Oh, money and bills…I hate the control you have over me) but instead of trusting my gut that it’s all happening for a reason I’ve been in a tailspin. TOTAL TAILSPIN.
My yoga practice was slow that morning (I spent a lot of time in child’s pose) but my practice has never felt more honest. My ego about performing was gone, my gratitude for being able to move my body (I have been naive enough to assume that this is a given) was strong and my love for my journey was deep.
Moving forward I promise myself that ….I will always trust my gut. So, thank you verrrrry, tiny little organ for teaching me…again…to always trust my gut…oh, and for making me pause.
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This is when the magic happens: right when you feel like everything is going wrong, shift your attitude to accept that it’s actually going right.
If you’re going through a storm, hold the belief that it’s the perfect storm for you.
You are always taken care of, exactly where you need to be and your efforts are rewarded exactly when they need to be.
—Jackson Kiddard
365til30.com 
Beautiful. And the bit about taking the ability to move your body for granted? This is what I’m sitting with presently. Good for you for getting back to it so quickly! I’m eight weeks post-op today, and I can barely make it through surya namaskar. xo
Such important but challenging wisdom. I’m glad you’re on the upswing, in health and otherwise! xo
So well written dear friend, I hope you are feeling much better and in on
the way to a full, speedy recovery. Your honeymoon is days away….
This piece brightened my day as well as the video of your last posting, very humbling and centering… Thank you always for your honesty in your writing and such great pieces, filled with kind inspirations
I would say that those big accounts will be replaced by more advantageous accounts. Finance, like nature, abhors a vacuum.
Glad I’m not the only one who hangs out in child pose sometimes! I usually resort to it when I see the instructor doing some ridiculous version of plank on the side or decides to get a little enthusiastic with downward dog. You’ll be back to doing whatever it is you can do soon!
So glad you’re doing well; trusting your gut is one of those life lessons I continue to try to learn (sometimes fighting it, sometimes trusting it, sometimes my ears seem completely closed!). Beautiful post and great reminder to not only trust our gut but to leave the ego and find honesty in our lives.
xx!