My 30-year-old self would love to tell my 20-year-old self that it does NOT get better! Basically I would reassure my 20-year-old self with wise words that are the exact opposite of the uplifting gay/anti-bullying slogan. But while it doesn’t get better per se, your ability to cope and deal with life improves dramatically. For example, in my 20’s I would have needed a handful of Vicodan to get through the day, now that I am officially in my 30’s, 2-3 will suffice. I am kidding. But Vicodan is delicious, I would also tell my 20-year-old self to cool it with the Vicodan. I think what I am trying to say is to slow down. Be present. Yeah that’s what I meant, be present. There is no THERE out there. Be in the moment. Don’t be in your head. Speak up about what you want. Take action. Those two go together. Wear sunscreen. Don’t park there, you’re going to get a ticket. Don’t cut bangs, ever because the week of “this is a cute change” always transpires into a year of “does anyone have a bobby pin?” and it’s just not worth it.
What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?
I wish I took my dreams more seriously. I put my dreams of acting, writing and comedy to the side because I felt I didn’t deserve to be able to do what I wanted to do. Clearly self-esteem was an issue (still is an issue) but that is just ridiculous because I am so awesome.
What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?
My body. No one cares if you are 5 pounds overweight or are at your goal weight of looking like a skeleton carrying a Prada bag. It’s really a huge waste of time and energy thinking about how you look and how much you weigh. Be healthy. Don’t obsess. Eat your veggies. Eat the cookie. No one cares.
Favorite memory from your 20’s?
I remember everything, which is a curse, so it is hard to pick just one. There was a point in my 20’s where I was newly sober, newly single, reconnecting with old friends after emerging from the dark hole of drug and alcohol addiction, working with my best friend at a (Caviar) restaurant, and doing comedy. I felt very busy and connected and like everything was where it should be. That was a good time in my 20’s. I laughed a lot. The free Caviar didn’t hurt either.
In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?
Rich and Famous. Or dead. House in the hills, or 6 feet under. My thinking is often split like this, don’t worry I am receiving professional help.
And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?
I just turned 30 so I am not an expert on the decade yet. My life is way more peaceful inside my mind now. I am more present. I don’t know if I have lowered my expectations or just don’t need as much attention (or maybe both) but I am ok with not being rich and famous. I am currently working on a book of short stories. I perform stand up when I feel like it. I get to express myself how I want when I want. I get to make my friends, family and the 3 people who come to my shows laugh. I am so grateful to those 3 people. And my friends and family- but my friends and family have to laugh at my stupid jokes. Or I will kill them.
I have 2 French Bulldogs, so yeah- I am doing pretty good. I mean, how many French Bulldogs do you have? You just have Frank, right? That’s one… So correct me if I am wrong because I have never been good at math- but I think that means I am doing twice as good as you are. Not that life is a competition, but if it were and if it were quantified solely on French Bulldog currency, then I am living RICH!
I also have a boyfriend and we love each other and all that cheesy stuff. Sometimes I look at this picture board we have of photos from weddings and photo booths and events- and it’s just so corny and cliché- if it were a prop in a Rom Com the Director would fire the Set Designer and say “No one would ever put up this many dorky couples photos!” It’s embarrassing.
I hope my boyfriend doesn’t read this and get upset that I mentioned the dogs before him. (Or the picture board.) But really how am I supposed to make myself look successful to readers without mentioning that I have not one, but two French Bulldogs. Can you tell me?! It’s just not possible.
Also, my Mom was just diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and is going through Chemo. So it’s not all Rainbows and French Bulldogs. I am able to show up and make jokes and be present. So it’s weirdly good.
Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?
My whole life I have felt like the sky is falling. I still feel that way sometimes, but less now. Someone much smarter than me said that discomfort and unhappiness happen when your will and God’s will are out of alignment. Today, I think things are how they should be. And I try to be grateful for what I have instead of making a list in my mind about all the things I wish were different.
What is the greatest gift about being a woman in your 30’s?
Now that I am officially in my 30’s I really care less about what other people think. I care what my close friends and family think, but I don’t worry so much about the small stuff or people. I meant insignificant people, not small as in little. I don’t care about regular sized strangers or little people strangers, equally.
When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?
3 French Bulldogs?! I hope to be happy, healthy, and have a really nice handbag. Giving back. Being of service. Making people laugh. And if I do that shit, I totally deserve a Birkin, right?
What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?
Probably that quote I butchered in question number 7. Or “to give is better than to receive” or something about love. Just “Love.” You can quote me on that, “Just love, you Asshole.” –Hillary Lowe.