heavy heart

8 Jul


Despite today being my birthday and the fact we brought Frank home last week, I have been in a really heavy place. My grandmother (Mom-mom),Peg, passed away last week and it has made everything seem cloudy. She had been ill for some time so I thought I was prepared for the inevitable, but when I got the call, I just crumbled. She was such a beautiful woman, wife, mother, grandmother & great-grandmother. She was so full of love and warmth. She was the glue that held our family together. Mom-mom was born in Maryland but ended up settling in Delaware where she met my Pop-pop and raised six kids. She loved Delaware with every fiber in her being, but when my grandfather passed away a few years ago she moved to CA to live with her daughter, Michelle. Selfishly, I loved having her close. But I knew she always longed to be back in Delaware. So with heavy hearts we are returning her to Delaware and to be buried next to Pop-pop. I get a teary-eyed when I write that, but I know she is returning to her favorite place and her favorite man.

With our wedding a few months away losing both Brian’s grandpa, Mykola, a few weeks ago and then Mom-mom is really difficult. I know how deeply they both wanted to share in the day with us. Man, Mom-mom just loved Brian too. She thought he was one of the best humans she ever met. I know in my heart how sure she was sure about “us” and our union. I also know she will be there in spirit on the big day. A few weeks before her passing, she kept talking about a red dress that she wanted to wear to our wedding. I get chills when I think about it. I’m going to imagine her dancing the night away in her red dress.

Heading to Delaware tonight for the service and to celebrate her life with my family.


24 Responses to “heavy heart”

  1. Dad and Pamela July 8, 2013 at 8:09 am #

    A beautiful post! It brought us to tears!
    Love Dad and Pamela

  2. Sarah Ann Noel July 8, 2013 at 8:41 am #

    Trev is about to lose his great-grandmother. Preparing to fly to Indiana to be with him as soon as I get the call.

    Thinking of you, friend; empathizing and praying.

    • katemcclafferty July 8, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

      Thinking of you too, friend. Sending you warmth during this time.

  3. Frankie K. July 8, 2013 at 8:44 am #

    Loosing a loved one is never easy. Safe travels lady and let’s do coffee when you get back.

  4. Darcy July 8, 2013 at 9:30 am #

    I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I called my grandma “mom-mom” too. I lost her 5 years ago and it feels like just yesterday. Sending some good thoughts your way!

  5. thepapergnome July 8, 2013 at 9:32 am #

    I’m not sure if my last comment went through. Just wanted to say sorry for your loss. I also called my grandma “mom mom” and we lost her 5 years ago but it feels like yesterday. Sending some good thoughts your way.

    • katemcclafferty July 8, 2013 at 11:59 am #

      Thank you for this. I love that you called your grandma Mom mom too. Warms my heart

  6. Wendell A. Brown July 8, 2013 at 9:42 am #

    Kate here is a poem that was written for a beloved relative that passed back in i think a couple of years ago. Nothing may not bring you to smile, but i think this might for both you and Brian! Hugs and blessings to you both and God bless, sorry to hear about their passings, but all will be alright soon! Much love to you both always!


    Whenever I see the butterflies flying
    I am reminded of your smiling face,
    As I see them taking wing into the sky
    I feel emotions which are never displaced

    For deep in my heart also live the butterflies
    As they come to life within my heart each day
    While I count the many sweet memories of you
    Which in my thoughts and dreams now stay

    The sheer brilliance of their many vibrant colors
    Produce a vivid rainbow deep within my mind
    Which fills my heart with such an unwavering joy
    Allowing me to enjoy them for endless times

    And the butterflies will be my dearest treasure
    Leaving me never again quite feeling the same
    For the peace they bring can never be measured
    Because on their wings are gently imprinted your name.

    Wendell A. Brown,

    • katemcclafferty July 8, 2013 at 11:58 am #

      That is so beautiful, Wendell. And it did make me smile:) I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this and you.

  7. righteousbruin9 July 8, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    Many condolences to you and your family, dear Kate. Godspeed on your journey to Delaware and back.

  8. Maria July 8, 2013 at 10:13 am #

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma when I was 17 and it felt, an still does feel, like there is a home in my heart. She was my best friend growing up, so much easier to talk to than my parents were, and not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could call her and tell something funny. I hope you get a chance to honor both your mom-mom and Brian’s grandpa at your wedding. A favorite song, a idea show perhaps. Something so that they will both be a part if your day years from now when you look back. 💗

    • Maria July 8, 2013 at 10:14 am #

      A hole in my heart, not a home.

    • katemcclafferty July 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

      Maria, Im so sorry for your loss. that must have been so difficult. How special that you had such a close bond with her.

      thank you for your ideas about honoring them at our wedding. I plan on it;)


  9. maternalmedia July 8, 2013 at 11:17 am #

    I have no doubt they will both still be with you on your big day. So sorry to learn of your loss. ((hugs))

  10. michaelmulholland July 8, 2013 at 12:10 pm #

    Beautiful post…

  11. Loni Found Herself July 8, 2013 at 1:25 pm #

    I’m so sorry for your loss, sweetie. I know Mom-Mom WILL be there and that she’ll look absolutely smashing in her beautiful red dress. Big, big hugs.

  12. amelie88 July 8, 2013 at 7:31 pm #

    I am so sorry for your loss and that your grandma won’t be able to be at your wedding. But I like to think our departed loved ones still know what we are up to somehow, looking at us from somewhere (not necessarily heaven, but a better place). My grandma passed away right after I returned to Spain for a second year to teach English. I was able to fly back for the funeral but it was really difficult. I had to remember she was in a better place though, since her mind was ravaged by dementia for about the last decade of her life and I wasn’t able to have a close relationship since conversations were repetitive and tended to go in circles since she would forget what she had just said five minutes prior. I’m glad you were able to be so close to your grandma. 🙂

  13. Rachel Sedaker July 8, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

    So, so sorry for your loss. I really feel for you. I lost my beloved grandmother 6.5 years ago and I still think of her all the time (it helps I have her laugh). She had cancer, so we knew it was coming, it just wasn’t supposed to happen as fast as it did. And she was our glue, so I know what it means to lose that person who holds the family together. It sounds like you were lucky to have such a great woman in your life, and I hope you look for the things she gave you and take comfort that those are the things no one can take away. In that way, she’ll always be with you.

  14. caitsfoodtherapy July 9, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

    Losing a grandparent is incredibly difficult. I’m so sorry for your loss Kate, take comfort in knowing how close you were and how much she knew you loved her. ❤

  15. Bella July 9, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    Dearest Kate,

    I am so very sorry for your loss. It is a very beautiful picture of the two of you and just from that picture I can see that you were both close to eachother. She will always be near you. Love lasts forever.

  16. cravesadventure July 11, 2013 at 10:39 am #

    Sorry to hear about the losses in both of your lives lately. I loss my grandparents while dating my future hubbie and a few years after being married he lost his grandparents. I will always have a special place in my heart for my grandparents.

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