It feels weird to introduce Brian on my blog considering I talk about him allllll the time. You would have to be living under a rock to not know who he was, but, just in case….he’s my future husband and my favorite human. I can’t believe I actually got him to participate in my “Project 30’s” Q & A. Let’s just say that opening up on the world-wide web is soooooo not his style. He leaves that to his crazy fiance. Somehow I got him to agree to be the first male to be interviewed for the project- I think that means he loves me.
Honestly, his answers are so thoughtful and inspiring and I’m not just saying that because I am madly in love with him. Enjoy.
This a totally odd, against the grain, peeling away the onionskin, type exercises. As Kate does, in a totally good way, she continues to challenge me with this fun little outing. Seeing her bravely wade through the literary world, baring her soul one keystroke at a time – how could I not follow that example for at least one day, one post. Welcome behind the curtain, for a glimpse of what Kate is signing up for… by choice.
What would your 30 something self tell your 20 something self if you could?
Cherish everything – time is finite so don’t let those fleeting moments pass by without noticing. Cherish your family and friends and every moment you have with them – those moments will not, and do not last forever. Embrace the quirks, savor the smiles, store the sounds of their laughter. Cherish those ever-rarer moments of quiet – that unadulterated quiet that only comes with freedom – an naivety that fades as we get older. Revel in the laughter and fun that comes with having friends that truly love you for who you are and just get it – don’t waste time on those that don’t or doing things you aren’t passionate about.
What do you wish you took more seriously in your 20’s?
Quite frankly – I wish I were more selfish – I don’t mean selfish as in “look at me, I’m the center of the universe” selfish, but more of wanting to conquer the insatiable desire to be beyond the normal world, beyond the status quo, experience more, see more, taste more, feel more, learn more, be more. There is no substitute for that unscripted, diving in head first experience and while I think I did a pretty good job accumulating a fairly good haul of those – there is always more – be more selfish.
What do you wish you took less seriously in your 20’s?
The future. I have always believed in myself – my parents instilled an amazing gift in me – in that they believed in me no matter the circumstance or the obstacle ahead. I wish I had trusted this more whole-heartedly and just embraced the moment. I am a “brooder” as one friend once called me. Things are measured, calculated, multiple scenarios are run, an evaluation is made – get out of the thought process and jump into the reality, or for that matter the unknown, that is staring you in the face, just say yes.
Favorite memory from your 20’s?
Wow Kate. I mean really? All of it – and that’s not a cop-out. I’ve been, admittedly, very blessed with amazing family and friends, free from most struggles and burdens that face many people throughout their lives. My 20’s were awesome. I lived in 3 different countries, completed multiple degrees in a profession that goes beyond passionate, created life-long friendships, explored the world testing my own perceptions and misconceptions about life and the infinite diversions it has to offer. My 20’s prepared me to be the man I am in my 30’s – and I wouldn’t trade one moment, the good or the bad.
In your early 20’s where did you think you would be (work, live etc) by 30?
Honestly I had no idea. I am not sure that even now I have a concrete idea of what life should be, where I should be going, what it looks like going forward – I don’t know. I always felt that you needed goals to guide you and the ability and freedom to deviate from those as you see fit – free of guilt, with all abandon. That being said – I am driven, sometimes to a point of obsession. But I knew this – I would have a career doing what I passionate about. I would have a family that supported me and stood by me every step of the way. I would have friends who would be there no matter what the situation or the consequences – and that was at a minimum, no matter where life took me. That is an unbelievably precious thing to have – I was free to pursue more, knowing what I already had …
And where were you by 30? What did your life look like?
I am right where I should be – I know this with no doubt in my mind. Very simply – I just know I am happy. I knew I would have my family, my friends, my career in my 30’s. The part I didn’t know I would have, and definitely was definitely surprised to have, was this amazing partner and best friend, Kate. I mean who end ups dating, engaged to, and soon to be married to a person they have known since grunge, braces, and really bad junior high hair? I have a partner who when she looks at me makes me feel like anything, anything is possible. I had no way to comprehend the effects of when someone has an unrelenting belief you in like Kate does in me. It is inspiring. It is motivating. It is everything. Life is fantastic. Sure, would I also like to be financially golden, gallivanting around the world, pursuing my other passions – absolutely – there’s still time. I am only 31 and Kate and I are just getting started.
Were you ever worried that it wouldn’t all fall into place?
No. And I don’t say that lightly. I have always been confident in myself and my own ability to find a way forward. I thank my parents for that – I also thank the fact I am an only child. Being your own best friend, your own entertainment, your own internal combustion engine providing drive, quite simply reduced my need to have someone else provide that for me. I used to tell my friends that truly – if I had just a handful of wonderful friends in this life, my cabin in the woods, and a faithful pup by my side I would be good. I probably ended up with the better end of that situation – thank you Kate – but I am still pushing for my cabin.
What is the greatest gift about being a woman man in your 30’s?
Having the confidence in myself, the education and experience that people have to take notice of, the vision to see beyond the hurdle just in front of me and the knowledge that while life is awesome, it also just absolutely blows sometimes, but it always comes back around – have faith.
When you look out onto the horizon. What do you hope your life looks like at 40?
More love. More laughter. More adventure. More additions to our family unit – French bulldog or otherwise. Just more – bring it on.
What’s a quote/ saying you try to live your life by?
I have actually always had a strong disdain for role-models, quotes to live by and anything of the like. Why do I want to be like someone else, do what someone else is doing. I want to be my own man – I want to be me. That being said I’ll play along. I read this recently and it speaks to me, where I am at, and where I would like to be going – at least for the next bit of time…
“Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain from you your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.
– Tenuously attributed to Charles Bukowski
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