The other night, as I puttered around the kitchen cleaning up before guests arrived, Brian looked at me and said, with complete sincerity, “I’m so happy you’re going to be my wife”. Then he looked around our new house, still covered in boxes from the move and said “this is our life and I love it.” It took the wind right out of me. It was such an unexpectedly sweet moment and I knew he meant every single word.
Life is really really really good.
In the move I found an old journal from 2009/2010. I flipped through its worn pages, reading a few lines here and there. Most of them were pretty heavy. They were filled with fears about the future, questions about my path in life and work. It was a heavy time in my life. I was going through big transitions. I was in a toxic business partnership. I was nannying to cover the bills because freelance work was so slow. I was depressed. The icing on the cake was I was also single while most of my friends had partners. I felt cheated.
Each page I read made me more and more thankful that I wasn’t filled with so much fear anymore. It’s funny how when life is great you forget how “un-great” it was not too long ago. You almost can’t remember how bad it felt.
It was as if a stranger had written the words that filled those pages.
But then I came to one of the last lines in the book and it read…I think I met the man I am going to marry. I smiled a huge smile that came from deep within- I don’t even remember writing that!! That was a turning point in my life. Something shifted. I fell in love with the man I am going to marry (I knew it then!), I unloaded the toxic relationships in my life, I decided my happiness was mine to create, I believed at my core that I could have the life I desired and I started this blog.
I believe the universe was always at work to bring Brain and I together. For those of you who don’t know our story- here’s an old post I wrote about it. We actually went to Jr. High together! It took us many many many years to find our way back to each other.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself that he’s going to be my husband. He’s better than any husband I could have ever imagined. He’s a fiercely loyal and loving man. He’s generous almost to a fault. He’s an incredibly hardworking and talented urban designer. He’s got creativity coming out of his pores. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else. I have fun with him no matter what we do. He’s my best friend and my favorite human being.
I really am the luckiest girl in the world.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Goose.
I love you (more than sushi and white wine!) and I cannot wait to become your wife on November 9th (oh that rhymed!)
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”